Christmas & Blessings

I believe this Christmas has been my favorite one, we changed some traditions but I loved it. We had the Sampson family gathering on Christmas Eve, a first for us, with a total of 48 people there, only 17 missing. My grandma counted. :) Christmas Day we headed to the Sampsons again for a lite lunch, like our usual Sunday all my dads siblings, spouses, and some children came. Then for dinner we headed to the McCoy side of the family for Christmas Dinner, which was wonderful! I truly cherish the time we get with our family, I love them so much. They are such a blessing in my life.

On December 23rd I had my appointment with the hand specialist. The doctor confirmed that I had a ganglion cyst and said if I wanted another shot in the hand she could do one but she didn't think it would do anything. (The shot helps less than 50% of the time) So we talked about the other option, surgery, we found out due to the steroid shot I had I would have to wait until the end of January for surgery. 

The doctor left and let mom and I think awhile, a whole month before surgery with a useless dominant hand? I don't even know how long recovery is after surgery. Its hard to think about losing a hand for a long period of time. So the doctor came in a I decided to get the shot. I had a month to wait anyway, might was well try something while we waited. Turns out the shot worked! It exploded my cyst and the cyst is gone. Turns out December 23rd is quite a day for me. Last year I had my gallbladder removed and this year my cyst exploded. A day filled with medical history for me.

My hand is still sore so I'm not back to normal but I can use it more and more as the days progress. I am typing with two hands right now and this morning I wrote a little with my right hand. What wonderful steps! It has been almost three weeks without my dominant hand, I am so thankful to have it back, even if its not fully back yet. 

I am in need of prayers with my hand still, the doctor said that commonly when the shot is used the cyst will regrow anywhere from two weeks to two months. Please be praying that it would not return. On Christmas Eve I felt a bump in my hand again but today its gone again, so I am praying it stays that way. 

My lyme has again been great, it is so nice being out of the transition months of weather, they are so hard on people will pain. December has been warmer than usual and has had less storms and for that my body thankful, although I really love snow! I started my weekend medicine, I am taking one pill on Saturday and Sunday and thus far have been doing well. I am going to up the medicine after New Years so we will see what happens. 

This break from school has come in perfect timing! Like I should expect anything else from my God. I have time to hang out with friends and catch up on the long list of things I let fall during the semester. 

Tomorrow I am headed to an annual conference called FaithWalkers that my church goes to. Its a time where a variety of pastors speak, we get alot of time to worship, learn, eat, and sleep. Usually when the conference is done thats all I feel I have done but I love it a lot! Please be praying the Lord will use this conference in beautiful and challenging ways. For safety in driving to Omaha and soft hearts to learn. Also that my health would hold up and wisdom in when to rest. 

Lastly, my mom has joined the ranks of Lyme Disease. She was diagnosed with lyme just over a week ago.  Our lyme is completely different but we think we were infected at the same time. She started medicine and is doing well, prayerfully she stays that way. I will post more updates on her next week, but please keep her in your prayers. Also Dad, Tera, and Aaron will be getting tested as well, please pray for the results of those tests. May this verse be our hearts cry.

In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith , being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~1 Peter 1:6-7

Prayer Requests:
*Praise: Ganglion Cyst is gone, pray it would stay gone
*Faithwalkers
*My mom; strength, would cling to the Lord during this time
*I would continue winning the battle of lyme

A New Lefty

Tuesday I completed my last final and today I taught for the last time at Stowe Elementary. I am so excited to be done with my classes although it was bitter sweet to leave my fourth graders. This semester has been a time filled with looking back and wondering how the Lord did it because it was not by my strength. 

Last week I was meditating on this verse:

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory. ~2 Corinthians 4:16-17 

This verse reminded me of my physical body and how lyme disease had victory over me for a long time, my body was decaying daily but due to that decay I have a stronger heart. Due to lyme my heart, my faith, is so much stronger than I could ever have imagined or even asked for. I have said it before but I am so thankful for my lyme and how the Lord has used it to mold me into the woman I am today; though I am still learning to rely step by step on the Lord.  

Thursday last week I was sitting in bible study and my hand started hurting, there was no reason for it to hurt so I felt around where the pain was. I felt a bump and an hour later my hand was completely useless. Its my right hand so I went to the doctor right away, turns out I have a ganglion cyst. The location of it makes my right hand pretty useless. I found it very funny that the same week that I was praising the Lord for my lyme and how He taught me so much through physical 'decay' that He gave me another opportunity to grow and trust Him.

So for a week now I have been a lefty, which is very unnatural for me but God is go gracious. I took two finals with my left hand and do almost everything with my left hand now. This experience has pruned me in so many ways; my attitude, focusing on not complaining and a new way for me to trust the Lord. If you ever feel like you want to serve the body of Christ more or want more treasure in Heaven come on over! I tend to be a very needy person :)

My friends have again been so helpful, things I didn't even think about that I cant do alone anymore. From helping me carry things, doing my hair, washing my hair in the sink, wrapping gifts, writing cards. You name it they have done it and not once complained. I am so THANKFUL for the wonderful men and women that the Lord has placed in my life, they are so sacrificial. 

Thus far there is no ending date for my cyst; I have an appointment scheduled with a surgeon December 23rd. Please be praying for this, due to my lyme the surgeon doesn't want to remove it, they want to mess around with it and see if another way will work but from what my doctor has told me surgery is my next option. Please pray they wouldn't dance around what needs to happen. Its doable but it is hard to live without your dominant hand. 

This last week my lyme has been wonderful! I barely notice it, I have been sleeping well, getting up earlier without an alarm clock, and can do more in a day. You can tell I'm ready for my next level of medicine! I will begin it on Saturday, I am praying it is manageable and I can live life as close to normal as possible. But whatever happens I have confidence the Lord will use it.

Prayer Requests:
*Wisdom for the surgeon with my cyst
*The Lord will continue to teach me through Lyme and my cyst
*That I will use my break wisely

Bear, Believe, Hope, Endure

My appointment went well last week, I really love my doctor and nurse, as time goes by we are building a fun relationship I am so thankful for them! Together we took a look at where I am at now and ideas to get back on track medicine wise. We decided to start up the second level of medicine at a half dose and remain on a half dose. The difficulty I am having is that the medicine is killing so much lyme that it is making me too sick to function. So by keeping it at half dose we are hoping I will be able to remain on it and not have to take another medicine break. 

I am planning on staying on level one and two through the rest of my semester and once finals are done (December 12th) I will begin the third level of antibiotics. Thus far on the second level I am doing fairly well, I have noticed memory problems arising again but we have ordered two new supplements to help me detox and bring down the inflammation in my head. So prayerfully the memory problems will remain small until I can get these supplements, and then they will decrease so I can move on to the third level of medication. 

(Love) Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. ~1 Corinthians 13:7-8a  

I read this verse today and I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord. No matter what we are going through or how pain filled our lives may be we have a God who loves us. Through the strength only the Lord supplies we can bear, believe, hope and endure through all things. I look at my life and I see a lot of pain, the last six years are scarred by lyme disease, and lyme has stolen most of my memory from childhood. I don't remember what it was like to run without pain, or ride my horse without a care, or get up without wondering what was going to hurt that day. I don't remember the luxury of life without pain.

My body is scarred but my heart is so much stronger because of those scars. I like to say my world, my body, was taken away from me and it was only once my physical life was gone that I realized Jesus was my life. He is the only thing that is worth it, the only thing that will last. I was living my life for myself, for horses, school, fun, friends. I was living for everything that is temporary. What do you live your life for? What are you doing today that will last? 

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.

 ~Romans 6:23

I was putting time and effort into things that would fade, things that produced only death. When lyme took my whole world, as I knew it, I realized something that changed the course of my life forever. This world is temporary but there is one thing that is eternal and that is death. In death we have two options; heaven or hell. I choose heaven, I choose life, I chose to lay down my life for the Lord. Jesus Christ died for us, He died for the imperfect that if we may choose, He would take our place and make us perfect in His eyes. Christ conquered death but that means nothing to you unless you choose to accept the gift of life that He alone offers. It is this decision that changed the course of my life forever in such a wonderful way. 

I may have pain on a daily basis but through the strength of the Lord I will bear, believe, hope and endure through everything this world throws at me. This is temporary, I want to live for the eternal. What is your decision? Have you ever chosen to accept the gift Jesus holds out to you today? Will you let Him change your life? It is not easy but I can tell you hundreds of reasons why it is worth it. 

Prayer Requests:
*That people will genuinely think about this truth
*That I will be able to finish the semester out strong
*That I can remain on level two medicine through the rest of the semester
*Grace in finals-my memory makes tests very difficult
*That I will rejoice daily because of who Christ is, always remembering the precious gift He has given me that He offers to all

Satisfied

The last time I blogged I had just begun medicine after my four week vacation. A little about my antibiotic treatment: it is a three level approach. The first level of medicine is aimed at the blood, the second is the tissues, and lastly is the cyst form. The medicine goes in order, the first level tries to kill the lyme in my blood, the spirochetes that are left go and hide in the tissues which brings the second antibiotic into play. The second med is aimed at the tissues, the remaining spirochete goes into cyst form with a biofilm around it protecting it from the first two antibiotics which is where the third and final antibiotic comes into play. Therefore killing the lyme involves a three prong attack. 

After my medicine holiday I began with the first level of antibiotics, after a successful week on them we introduced the second level of antibiotics at half dose. A week later we upped that to full dose and thus began the memory problems. The first day on the full dose of the second antibiotic my memory problems began coming back in full swing. I kept taking the medicine to see if the loss of memory would be followed by dizziness, hearing loss, eyesight loss, and difficulty breathing or if it was a random memory loss. Thus far every time my head stuff reappears it begins with memory followed by dizziness, difficulty breathing and so forth. So after a couple days of memory problems the dizziness set in and we decided to stop taking the second level of medication but remain on the first stage of medicine. 

This has proven to be a good idea, it has been  a week now since I got off the second level of medicine and my memory problems are all cleared up. Now we are praying for wisdom in when and how to start up the second level again. We are thinking of staying at a half dose for two weeks instead of one to see how that works but for now I am focusing on detoxing, which is quite a task! 

So this last week has been pretty good, off of that second level of medicine I feel once again like a 'fake lyme patient' and I am trying to live that up. :)  Although on wednesday I woke up with a nasty head cold so the later part of the week I have been lying low and getting more sleep. I really just have a head cold but it makes it hard when so much of my body is out of order, a head cold can take me out of business. Yet again I see the Lords perfect timing; I am on my UNI Thanksgiving break, my teachers decided to give my program a two week break instead of the usual UNI one week off, believe me, none of us complained! So wednesday began the trend of my break days with things that are easy to cancel or miss so I didn't miss any class and I didn't get behind in any homework! I am constantly in awe of how perfect the Lords timing is! 

In March when I was diagnosed with lyme disease I thought that life could only go up from there. To a point I was right; I found out my thoughts were correct, lyme if not caught and treated will end up taking the persons life and I can honestly tell you I knew when I was sick that it was killing me. I knew I didn't have very much longer to figure out what was wrong and after six years I didn't think we would figure it out at all. If I would not have been diagnosed and treated I honestly think I would have lived maybe two to three more years. I was going downhill very fast. I choose not to tell many people my thoughts on this because I didn't want people to worry, I knew the Lord was faithful and I didn't want anyone to fall to sin due to my pain. But now that I am walking uphill once again I felt like sharing the reality of where I was and how far the Lord has brought me. 

This life is so temporary, I knew that then and I know that now. The Lord has chosen to keep me on earth longer than I had thought and for that I am grateful. I came to an understanding of something the other day; though all of the ups and downs of treatment, of medicine vacations and not knowing if this treatment will work or if I will ever be better I was reminded by the Lord that it honestly doesn't matter. 

I had prepared myself for death but I wasn't prepared to live with pain forever. I had so many questions running through my head...What if I am sick for the rest of my life? What if I am on antibiotics for the rest of my life? This a a common theme among lyme patients, it could happen to me. What if my lyme doesn't go into remission? What if I have children and they get lyme from me? There are so many what if's that can haunt my mind. But these thoughts do absolutely nothing. 

So what if I change my what if's? What if I trust the Lord? And trust is what I have decided to do. I can honestly with a pure heart tell you that my hope is not in healing, or ever being off of antibiotics, or having healthy children. My hope is now and will forever be in Jesus Christ. I can live the rest of my life in pain and on medicine because I know that this is temporary. One day I will have relief from lyme and I am so content if that day turns out to be heaven. What's seventy years compared to eternity? I know the Lord is my strength and if I am asked to live with this, He will see me through. 

My church (The Downtown Church) had a women's coffeehouse last night and it was wonderful! The theme of the evening was satisfaction and the verse of the night was...

Satisfy us in the morning with Your faithful love so that we may shout with joy and be glad all our days. ~Psalm 90:14 

No matter where I am, or the pain I am in I can be satisfied and rejoice because of who Jesus Christ is. His love and mercy are unconditional, it covers every situation I could ever be in and more. I have no reason to be unsatisfied, I have no reason to worry because God is still God. He has not left His throne, He is still my Father and I am still in His arms. 

Prayer Requests:
*That I would daily choose to be satisfied and rejoice in the Lord
*Clarity and wisdom when/how to start the medicine again
*Appointment on tuesday with my lyme doctor; wisdom where/what to change if anything in my treatment, and wisdom in questions to ask
*Job hunting; I am looking for a job I can physically do. I work at a daycare nowcon fridays for three hours and it's getting harder and harder to handle 24 one year olds. So I will be looking for a job I can do for when classes are out in four weeks. If you have any ideas let me know!

Temporary

I have said this before but how fast time flies! My four day vacation resulted in a week and four days which turned into three weeks. And (of course) it couldn't have been better timing! God's timing is always perfect but I am still in awe that is it always perfect. Over the last three weeks I have been off of all my medicine, I had to go off because the medicine was working too quickly and it caused my head stuff (dizziness, eyesight loss, hearing loss, and memory loss) to come back. I was unable to drive for about two weeks which is very difficult in the middle of a semester but my friends made sacrifices to get me to class and work, I will always be grateful for them! 

So why was God's timing perfect? Last thursday I had one of the biggest projects of my life due, Alex Deeter and I worked together on this project and it proved to be a beast. We spent eight weeks working on it, and ton's of hours working to finish it. The week before it was due almost all of my head stuff cleared up and I was feeling great! I joked with my friends that I was a 'fake lyme patient' because I was feeling so good! I was taking only five pills a day all of which were supplements, I could wake up earlier, stay up later, take less naps life was great! Although it was great I still had pain, however it was mostly joint pain which is easier to endure. 

So the Lords perfect timing enabled Alex and I to finish our project on time without going insane and without myself getting sick. These last couple of weeks have been wonderful in catching up and striving to get ahead in school. I am honestly shocked that I am still a student! There have been so many days where I didn't think I would make it, I even looked at drop dates and possible alternatives but Gods strength has been just enough like it always is. :) 

I began my first medication on saturday night and so far I am doing well. My abdomen pain returned, its mostly caused from the medicine, I have less energy, and need more sleep once more. I knew the day would come but I had a great vacation! I still have a lot of school work left in these last six weeks so I am praying for time management and strength to endure what needs to be done. 

Many of you may not know but I am a farm girl at heart. My family is from small town Iowa and I had the opportunity to live farm life with my cousins. They went to Denmark for four months so my family took over the farm and the kennel business for them. They returned home and I stayed. I was given a taste of the farm life and I loved it! 

One of my favorite things about the farm was my horse Sneaky, I showed him for six years, and rode him for eight years. There is a strange connection between a horse and its rider, and Sneaky and I were the tightest. He was with me through it all, I rode him for a year before I began having symptoms of lyme. But even with the lyme I rode constantly and it always amazed me how Sneaky would react to my pain level of the day. I was told once that horses can feel the pain of their rider and I honestly think its true. The days I didn't feel well he took it easy on me and the days I felt okay he pushed me to be a better rider. He is such a good horse, I have so many wonderful memories with him. 

Here are a few pictures of Sneaky and I ...

Sneaky and I jumping, my favorite thing to do on him. 

Sneaky and I 

My brother Aaron and I doing the tandem bareback ride on Sneaky

I bring up Sneaky because he was a huge part of my life and that chapter is now closed. Sneaky was put down on friday afternoon, he lived a good and long life. It has been a rough week for me emotionally because he did have a huge impact on my life and through my healing. I knew getting into farm life would have its pain but I didn't realize exactly how hard it would be, but it was worth it. I hope one day I can have a horse even half as a good as Sneaky was. 

Although my horse is gone my life continues, I continue to fight the battle of lyme disease, I continue seeking the Lord and sharing His truth, I continue in my classes. This life is temporary everything will pass away, I want to live my life for something that will remain forever and that is Jesus Christ. 

Prayer Requests:
*That I can keep up in my school work
*That the medicine won't be too strong for me
*That I can manage my time well
*That I will know my limitations
*That I will daily be about God's business

My Burden

My vacation has come and gone and it has resulted in another vacation. Last week Tuesday through Saturday I was off of all my medicine, I began some of my pills on Sunday and my symptoms worsened. I tried to tough it out a couple days but I kept getting worse. Again my nurse Angela recommended me to get off of all medicine except supplements. 

Yesterday was my first day off of my medicine again. I have been given a week off of medicine and if my symptoms are not gone by a week I will have to add more pills to detox the dead bacteria. The main problem these last few weeks is that the medicine has been working faster than my body can handle. The medicine is killing the lyme bacteria and my body cant detox it out. I am doing detox smoothies and detox foot/hand baths but my body is still on overload. 

These last few weeks have been hard on my physically as you know but they have also been hard on me spiritually. I realized yesterday that I was trying to fight this by myself. I was using my strength, I was trying to handle lyme by myself. I had picked up my burdens again.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is an excerpt from the book Do you Think I'm Beautiful. By Angela Thomas. 

A traveler was walking down the road laboring under the heavy burden he was carrying on his back. Along came a man with a horse-drawn cart. Pulling alongside the traveler, the cart driver said, "Sir, I see that you are carrying a heavy load and that it makes you weary. Wouldn't you rather ride in my cart than carry that heavy burden?"

"Yes," the traveler said as he got into the cart. "Now I will no longer have to walk with this burden." A little farther down the road the cart driver looked behind him and was quite astonished to see the traveler sitting in the cart still carrying his burden, held tightly on his back. 

"Sir, why do you still bend under the weight of your burden when you could simply set it down?" he asked. "You have helped me so much already," said the traveler, "I wouldn't want to impose on you any further." 

"But don't you see," replied the cart driver, "it would not be an imposition on me for you to put your burden down. Look at my horse; he is strong and willing. He was made to carry heavy burdens. Besides, both of you are now carrying your load, yet my horse will carry your load whether you do or not! So please put your burden down or you will wear yourself out and make my horse feel unappreciated." 

Belief requires us to climb into the cart and then put everything down. When we put the full weight of our lives on the Lord, then we give Him the authority to take over. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just like the man in this cart so are we in the arms of God, if we simply choose to let go of our burdens then we may have the rest that the Lord is longing to give us. Two weeks ago I choose to pick up my burden again and I am so thankful for the reminder to let it go. I can not handle my problems, I can not handle my pain. Christ is the one who gives me strength, He is my endurance. It doesn't matter where I am at but rather who Christ is and what He has done for me. May we always remember to keep our gaze focused on Him and not our situation. 

Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. ~ Ephesians 6:10 

Do not be grieved for the joy of the Lord is your strength. ~ Nehemiah 8:10b 

Prayer Requests:
*That I can keep my gaze on Christ
*That my symptoms will go away so I can begin medicine again
*That I will be able to remain a student
*That I can keep up in my classes
*That I will never again pick up the burden of lyme disease but let God carry it

October

October is upon us; beautiful colors, smells of fall, cool nights. I love it! Fall is my favorite time of year, I just love jeans and sweatshirts! This year however October has a different meaning for me. October as we know is when the temperatures begin to cool which means for lyme patients like me, more pain. The lyme bacteria does not like heat and because of that I feel less pain in the warm temperatures and more pain in the cool. So for people with pain October and April tend to be some of the hardest months.

I have been trying these last couple months to fight lyme hard to prepare for winter, because I know more symptoms will show from the cold and I have been taking a lot of steps forward but sometimes I take steps back. So far October, although the beautiful warm weather, is holding up to its name. 

On Monday I took some big steps backward. My head stuff came back; memory loss, eyesight loss, hearing loss and dizziness. I had all of these symptoms when I was at the worst of my lyme, they left a couple months ago so I was surprised when they showed up again. I talked to my nurse Angela and she recommended a vacation. 

I'm not known as one to turn down vacation! So I am on a medicine vacation, FOUR WHOLE DAYS of no medicine! (Except supplements) Angela said many times the medicine can kill so much bacteria that our bodies cant get rid of it fast enough and we end up getting sicker. She believes I was at this point so here I am. I am on day three and feeling pretty good, my head stuff is still here I am temporarily not driving for my safety but overall I believe my body is starting to catch up to all of the medicine. 

This was a perfect week for me to have a vacation, I am on week eight of school now but I have no idea how I have completed that much! I am taking ten credits of classes, I have to take this many to stay in my program but I wish I could have taken less. I knew it would be hard to get back to everyday life as a lyme patient but I didn't realize how hard it would be to keep up. School work is overloading me, I have a lot of projects this semester and was getting bogged down. All of my free time is spent sleeping, at treatment or therapy. 

If I sound like I am complaining I do not mean to be so I hope that is not the vibe that you are getting I just want you to understand that this phase of life is hard for me and I need your prayers in this. I am struggling to keep up with school, even on a vacation I haven't gotten much homework done. But God is God of all situations, I have confidence He will provide the means to accomplish whatever needs to be done. 

This weekend I am going to a Focus Conference, I am very EXCITED! I am even more excited now that I don't have my weekend medicine because now I should be able to participate in most of it instead of sleeping! I am excited for a much needed get away to focus on the Lord. A break from life, as much as I can get anyway. Please be praying for this conference that the Lord would be moving and revealing Himself to people through this. 

Prayer Requests:

*That I will manage my time well

*That I can keep up in school and not feel overwhelmed

*That this vacation helps build up my body and it will be ready to fight again come Sunday

*That Focus will be an uplifting time with the Lord, that I would feel fresh spiritually

*That I can remain a student as a lyme patient 

Passing Through

Have you noticed anyone suffering lately? Suffering can come in a large variety of ways; physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, you name it. Right now, however, I am referring to physical suffering, physical pain. This last week I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of new people, since I am a student I am on campus a lot and DMACC is plump full of people waiting between classes looking for something to do. So I use those between class times to meet some people, one common theme I have seen more and more is pain. On Monday alone I met three women who suffer with chronic abdomen pain. 

We can blame this pain on the food we eat, the preservatives, the lack of exercise, or whatever you want but none the less people still have the pain. Why do I think this is? I have no idea, I do not know why people have pain or why specific people suffer but I do know that God can use this. I came to the knowledge of salvation because of my pain, the Lord used it for good in my life and I know He will use it for good in others lives as well. 

People today move too fast, one little stab of pain and they go through months of doctors to find out what caused it. A little headache and we take pain medicine. We are people who like to live a life of ease, we focus on the here and now. The new car, the bigger house, Lord forbid your health gets in the way of one of your goals. We see a hint of pain and we do whatever we can to run as fast as we can to get away from it. 

I am not crazy, I don't like pain, I would rather not have it. I don't cause myself pain on purpose but it happened in my life. I began like most others, I tried to get rid of it as soon as possible only after a year and a half of fighting with all my might to get better did I finally give up. I signed myself over to a life of pain, I didn't know what was wrong and doctors didn't believe me. I had given up, I began learning ways to live with my pain. When I gave up I realized that this world is not the end. Rather it is the beginning. My pain was used to save my life, I was given a different perspective and was saved in the process. 

Do you have pain? Have you tried everything in your power to get rid of it and its not going anywhere? You may have a  close friend in this situation, well I'm not telling you to give up but I am asking you to change your perspective. Stop trying so hard to get rid of your pain and start trying to learn from it. 

Apostle Paul is a wonderful example of this, he is a man who had everything, a man who went around killing Christians until one day he himself accepted Christ as his Savior. This is what God told Paul. 

"He is a chosen instrument of Mine, to bear My name before the Gentiles and kings and the sons of Israel; for I will show him how much he must suffer for My name's sake." 

~Acts 9:15-16 

Did you hear that? Paul accepted Christ under the knowledge that he would suffer, God said 'I will show him how much he must suffer for My name's sake.' That is crazy to me! But look at the life of Paul, look how he suffered; imprisonments, beatings, lashings five times thirty-nine lashes each, stoned three times, shipwrecked three times, went hungry and thirsty, suffered from cold and exposure. Paul signed onto a life of suffering but look at his attitude through it. 

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. ~Philippians 4:11-12 

Paul suffered because his eyes were focused on Christ, he was looking at what was to come. I was told one time 'When you look ahead in life look far enough to see Heaven, and when you look behind look far enough to see the Cross.' Paul set his priorities, he lived his life like he was simply passing through this world. This earth is our temporary home, we are here for a little while. 

Did you know that ten out of ten people die? If you haven't thought about where you will go when you die I beg you to think about it now. Eternity is forever, its pretty vital we make the correct choice when we are choosing to commit ourselves to forever. This world is full of suffering because this world is full of sin. Suffering is the result of a fallen world. However, one day if we choose it our suffering will be over but for now we press on, simply passing through. 

Prayer Requests:
*People would see their suffering from a different perspective
*I will be able to balance my time with school, lyme, and ministry
*That the Lord will provide opportunities that I can have an influence in the lives of people who are suffering with pain
*That I will continue to heal

One Step Backward

Does life ever slow down? It seems to me that life continues to go faster and faster, everyday is simply flying by! As the days pass my healing continues, it is such a beautiful thing to experience I wish I could explain what was actually going on in my body. I honestly wish everyone could experience it.

I am doing well on my medicine, I am currently on the ten day for my co-infection babesia. I am getting everything done that needs to get done, however that is by the grace of God that I can say that. At my last appointment I got retested for the babesia co-infection to see if I still have it and the test came back negative! According to my blood I have conquered one co-infection! Woop woop! 

I am planning on finishing this set of ten day medicine then I will be done with it. I am still having more difficulty breathing lately but I think a large part of it is the lyme let loose from the last stage of medicine. As time has passed these last two weeks I have taken a couple steps backward. Its difficult to breathe, my joints are sorer, my organs hurt more than usual, its hard to eat, more nausea, and my memory is taking a hit. So I have taken a step backward but this is not getting me down. 

The hard part is my memory, that was always the most difficult thing to have go during my whole lyme experience so it was hard when I realized it had taken a hit. However I am choosing to rejoice in this, this is another stage of healing. Its another opportunity I have to see the Lord work in my body. I have taken a step backward but am taking more steps forward than backward. This back step is nothing compared to what my life used to be even last month. 

After you have suffered for a little while the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~1 Peter 5:10  

Our God is a God who gives good gifts, a God who blesses our life. Sometimes that blessing is not what I think it should look like, sometimes its painful. But I have confidence that whatever things are put in my life the Lord will use for good. He will use them to grow me, to stretch me, and make me more like His Son.  That is why I can rejoice, because I know that God is using every part of this pain and healing to grow me. What a God we serve. 

Prayer requests:
*That I will continually see the healing the Lord is doing in my life
*That I will be able to have an influence in the lives of people struggling with pain
*That I will be able to handle the medicine
*That my nausea will go down and I will be able to eat more

Stage Three

I had my three month check-up on tuesday and it went well. My goal has always been to handle everything better than my doctor expects and that is exactly what the Lord is doing. I am doing a lot of extra treatments to help my body handle the medicine and those extra steps enable me to live a pretty regular lifestyle which most lyme patients don't have the blessings of. 

I have had drastic improvement since the last time I was in two months ago. My doctor was very impressed that I have stayed a student during this whole time. I say this because this was not me, it was purely by the strength of God that I was able to remain a student. I was part time for most of it but due to friends and the grace of God I was able to finish all of my classes with great grades. 

In the last two months I have gone from being tied to the couch everyday, taking daily naps, sleeping till eleven, barely able to eat, very sore organs, exhausted, could walk less than a block, couldn't drive. Where as today I am waking up at 7:30 some days, can drive my car, taking ten credits of classes, I don't need to lay down, I can go almost all day (a different kind of go than I'm used to but still go) I can walk a lot further, I can eat more food, and so many other blessings! Trust me, I am not taking one of them for granted! I always notice the blessings of things when they are gone but I pray I never take even the simplest thing for granted again. 

During this doctor visit I have been put on my last of the three antibiotics; there are three stages to kill the lyme. The first antibiotic breaks up the bacteria and they go into hiding where the medicine can't reach. So the next medicine is added which breaks it up further; some die and some hide yet again. This is the stage I was at and am now beginning stage three. The hidden lyme bacteria is surrounded by a shell called a biofilm, the last antibiotic focuses on breaking the biofilm surrounding the bacteria left in my tissue. The biofilm breaks and the lyme is let lose in my body again for the other medicine to kill. 

This is a stage where you get worse before you get better, old symptoms come back. But to a point that is good because it shows that the first two antibiotics are doing their job. This third medicine I only take two days a week so I have chosen saturdays and sundays. My first weekend was last week and it went very well. The goal is to take four pills a day on both days and my doctor said most of his patients get so sick they can only handle one or two a day. He told me to test the waters and see what I can handle and plan to stay at home most weekends. 

I began the pills and I did feel more sick than usual but was still able to go about my day normally, went to breakfast with my parents, went grocery shopping with Katelyn and out for lunch. Later I was able to go to church, my huge prayer in this! Sunday was a harder day but my morning was about normal; had prayer, planing, and pancakes and went to cheer on a friend running the HYVEE Triathlon. The afternoon on sunday was rough, I was really nauseous so I slept most of the afternoon and evening.  

Looking at my first weekend I was pretty proud. I took all eight pills and lived fairly normally during them. After the first dose I have had some symptoms return that were gone but they are not near as bad as they used to be. For example it is difficult to breathe again. This is in part due to a co-infection, I take medicine ten days a month for it and it has been getting much better I barely noticed it anymore. Also returning with the breathing issues include a very sore spleen and liver,  more nausea, I also have a little more joint pain but not anything like it used to be. 

I began the ten day medicine today for my Babeisa co-infection, this medicine also makes me sick so please be praying that I will be able to get done what needs to be done. That I will use my time wisely. Also for strength this weekend on this ten day and my new weekend medicine. 

I am praying treatment continues to go this well! I have been told every week will get easier as more and more lyme dies. I am so thankful for how my body handled the new medication and am excited to continue healing from lyme disease. 

Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget none of His benefits; who pardons all of your iniquities who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with loving kindness and compassion.  ~Psalm 103:2-4

Prayer Requests: 

*That Dr P. will be able to keep his practice in Iowa and turn to the Lord during this time

*That I will daily see the blessings of healing

*That the medicine will continue working 

*That I can continue living a 'normal' life during this treatment 

Counted Blessings

I was tired, I was worn out, I was exhausted and I couldn't get refreshed. I couldn't understand why I have to go over a mountain that I don't know, and believe me it's a very rocky one. I have been claiming verses like... 

Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert. ~Isaiah 43:18-19

But nothing seemed to quench my thirst. My thought is if God can water the desert He is fully capable of watering my soul. But my thirst was never satisfied. I woke up today and spent time in the word, went to class and again was spiritually on empty. This has been the pattern of my life since saturday and I couldn't understand why. So today I decided to figure out why I was so dry. 

I began my quest one of my favorite ways, by giving thanks and I realized something. I had forgotten. I had forgotten the blessings of lyme disease. I had forgotten how the Lord saw me through everyday of eight months on the couch, how He comforted me every moment, how He gave me joy because of who He is, how He taught me life isn't about where I am but what He has done. I had forgotten the blessings He has given me. 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places of Christ. ~Ephesians 1:3 

I am a blessed child of God, we have things in our life that are mountains to us. We have no idea where we need to go, what path is the safest, or how to get there but Christ has the mountain memorized, He has walked the path and He leads us step by step. We serve a God who desires to give us every blessing in the heavenly realm, do you see blessings when they come? Do you remember the blessings the Lord gives you? Or do you forget? 

I forgot but I am praying I will never again forget how the Lord has blessed my life. An hour ago I was so dry and hungry spiritually I had no idea what to do, now the Lord has filled my hunger, He has filled my cup and I am satisfied. I was blessed by God by being reminded of the blessings God has given me. I know the Lord will see me through this new mountain just like He saw me through the mountain of lyme disease. God is faithful and He desires to bless our life.  

Have you counted your blessings today? 

Prayer Requests:
*That I will never again forget the blessings God has given me
*That Dr P will be able to keep his practice in Iowa
*That my check-up tomorrow will be successful
*That I will be still before the Lord even on the go

Being Still

A lot of time has passed since my last post and along with that a lot of healing has occurred. Everyday I am feeling stronger, walking faster, walking longer and have more energy. It has been such a joy to see the Lord bring healing into my life. Last week at laser treatment my nurse said when I started coming in April I was their worst patient and she didn't think I would get better, now I have moved up to their best patient. I am also their most improved! 

I am continuing to do laser treatment once a week to help with the health of my organs which I believe has made my healing process much easier on my body. I am also doing oral medicine and will be for a long time. Lastly, I am continuing to do water therapy to maintain my balance and movement, I have not been very faithful with this the last few weeks because it tires me out and I have been super busy with life and now classes I didn't want to push myself too hard.

I never realized how quickly I adapted to my illness, it was 'easy' for me to get used to staying home. I never felt up to doing anything so I spent most of my time the last eight months at my house. Because I was home so often I had a lot of free time and I spent my time reading my bible, praying, reading books, and spending time with girls. The transition was great, I was constantly encouraged from all my readings, I love to read and I had a long time with nothing to do but read. I was constantly 'walking' in the spirit (although sitting in the spirit is more like it) I was always encouraged and meditating on a verse. 

Only when I began moving again did I realize how hard it is to be still before God. When I was sick I was literally still before God, honestly I rarely moved! My roommates were usually busy with work or school so I had a lot of alone time. My biggest challenge getting back to normal life has been walking in the Spirit. After eight months I had forgotten how to be still before the Lord while on the go. It took me a couple of days to realize this, I was having a pretty rough couple of days when I realized I wasn't meditating on truth. 

Since my rough days I have been focusing more on God, I was used to reading multiple times throughout the day and had to go back to one time with my new schedule. I had to learn to walk in truth, just because I am moving doesn't mean I can leave the Lord at home. I actually never thought I would have to learn this lesson again but I guess after so long out of the day to day busyness you lose touch. 

My UNI classes started up on tuesday, I am taking ten credits and am very excited, I have wonderful teachers! My classes will be hard work but they will be fun and useful to my life. My schedule this fall is a very busy one and so I am praying that the Lord will help me not push myself. I have night classes and if I do too much during the day I am sick at night so it is a very fine balance I am learning to walk. 

Earlier in the week I threw up, I'm not sure if it was medicine or food, but thus far I have not been sick again. Please be praying that my medicine will continue to go down smoothly. It is very common when you throw up once that you continue throwing up so please join me in praying against that. 

Lastly, on tuesday I have my three month visit to Dr. P! I can't believe it has almost been three months! The worst is almost over! I am a blessed woman, and I am excited to see the Lord continue to move and bring healing to my life. 

Prayer Requests: 

*That Dr. P will be able to keep his practice in Iowa and turn to the Lord during this time
*That people will step up and fight the political battle of lyme disease
*That I will be able to keep my medicine down
*That I will pace myself; when to go, when to rest
*That I will continue to grow in being still before the Lord while on the go

The Goodness Of God

Since I have been back from Colorado I have not been bored! This last week has been plumb full of hang-outs, going away parties, the straw poll, cleaning, moving rooms, the Iowa State Fair and even a wedding! 

Katelyn, Stephen, Alex, Jenna, Laurie, and Kaitlin at the wedding reception

Stephen, Kaitlin, Alex, Jenna, Laurie at the wedding reception

Vance, Rachel, Matt, Jake, Katelyn, and I at the straw poll 

One thing that I never wanted to do was ride a motorized wheelchair, in High School I had to suck up my pride and ride in a wheelchair quite often so today I don't think twice about a wheelchair. However motorized was a different story. Well, I had the opportunity to kill more pride this weekend, my family and I went to the fair and since I can only walk about a block we decided to get a wheelchair. My mom went to pick it up and when she came back I realized she had gotten a motorized chair, at first I was like no way am I riding that around the fair. 

However praise the Lord for my sister, she was standing by me when she saw my feelings toward my chair for the day and she said how the motorized chair is actually a blessing. Where I may not like it, if I would have  regular wheelchair my family would get tired out from pushing me all day. My sister gave me a new perspective of that motorized wheelchair and I actually ended up having fun with it. It also made me think about if I ever want to just sit and wait for the Lord to push me around or if in faith I am using His strength to power my chair and accomplish what He asks of me. 

Me and my chair

Tera and I 

For thus says the Lord, "Just as I brought all this great disaster on this people, so I am going to bring on them all the good that I am promising them." ~ Jeremiah 32:42 

People go through all sorts of disaster it could be emotional, physical loss, damaged home, pain, or many more. As you know my disaster right now is Lymes Disease, this was filtered through the goodness of God filter and it passed the test in my life. I have been sick for a long time, the past six years have been off and on, but mostly sickness. Many days all I could do was get out of bed and move to the couch. This last phase of pain I never would have expected and I never would have thought I could endure it. But at the end of this phase I see the goodness of God. I see how He has used Lyme Disease to mold me more like His Son, to grow my faith, to stretch me. 

In lifegroup some girls and I were talking about how sometimes our faith is like a bungee cord, when your falling your scared to death but once you've been caught you are having the time of your life. The thing is with the Lord He knows how much I can handle, He alone knows how much I can fall before I need to be caught. Let me tell you this time I fell a lot further than I thought I could handle, but God knows me better than I know myself. 

It is only when the disaster strikes that you can see the goodness of God up close and personal. Lyme Disease took me further off the cliff than I had ever known was possible in my life but if I wouldn't have fallen that far to be caught by God I wouldn't understand the beauty of the healing process I have today. If you are in your disaster, know that one day you will see the goodness of God, one day you will understand why you suffered the way you did. But you may only understand these things if you understand the grace of God. If you understand your need for a Savior, your need to be caught. 

I have been putting off posting this but I found out on our Ozark vacation that another large strike has gone up against Lyme patients and doctors. There is a testing center where doctors from all over the country send their patients blood to be tested, it is where almost all Lyme Disease tests are done. A couple weeks ago that blood testing center got written up for doing too many Lyme Disease Tests. 

The scary part about this testing center being written up is that now because it has been written up they have control of all the information the testing center has. Many people believe that the only reason the center was written up was so that they could see exactly who was sending in tests and how many they were sending in. Lyme Disease is very political, and this sure does not help. Please be keeping Lyme Disease doctors, their practices, their patients, even their testing centers in your prayers. 

Prayer Requests:
*That Dr P. will be able to keep his practice in Iowa and turn to the Lord in the process
*That men and women would step up and fight for this political disease
*That the Lord will continue to heal me and I will rejoice over every step

Beauty & Peace

The Lord is continuing to bring healing into my life, I can officially drive all by myself now! I no longer need a co-pilot! Another huge blessing is mornings are beginning to be easier for me, I will need more sleep than usual the next couple years but I have heard the first three months you need the most sleep and those months are almost over, just in time for school! 

A group of twenty-four friends and I headed to Colorado to visit our dear friend Mariah Mack who is working out there for the summer. We had a wonderful time, we all stayed in a vacation home (with a great hot tub and a gorgeous view!) Just looking at our time there I felt so blessed, there are not many people who have twenty-four friends to start with, let alone everyone gets along. The trip was so successful on many levels, it really developed our friendships and grew us closer together, I am blessed to have the friends the Lord has given me and I pray we have long relationships. 

Group picture of everyone

These three lovely ladies went for a walk and picked beautiful flowers for me, they also kept me company while the rest of the group climbed a mountain, I was thankful for the company! 

(Stephanie, Chasity, Ashley, and I)

The last day the gang went hiking to a waterfall, I went to rest at the lake and enjoyed the gorgeous view! Stephanie stayed with me and we enjoyed playing in the water :) 

What a beautiful world this Lord created, too bad we corrupted it! 

Can't wait for the beauty of Heaven! 

I loved going to Colorado being surrounded by men and women who love the Lord. While we were in Colorado Ashley accepted Christ! What wonderful news! Colorado was a time when it was really clear that we are different, that our friendships are not fake, that we really love each other. And we can love one another because of the example of love that God gave us. 

Upon returning home Chasity, my new roommate who accepted Christ in May shared the gospel with her sister Natasha and Natasha prayed with me to receive Christ into her life. I am so thankful for Chasity's faithfulness with the gospel and her heart for her sister and I can't wait for more time with Natasha and Chasity! 

This world may be corrupted but if we look and if we work we can see so many blessings and so many good things that the Lord is doing. May we never stop working and looking. 

"They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially. Saying, 'peace, peace,' but there is no peace." ~Jeremiah 6:14  

When I first read this verse I thought of the medical community, there are men and women who are dedicated to help people physically. The problem is we need more than that, if people are ill and put their hope in the medical community I can guarantee that you will be let down. I have lived it and seen it way to often. You may have peace for a season but trouble will come again for you. The Lord offers us a peace that is never ending. I do not mean He makes our life easy, and only gives us blessings. 

The Lord has given me peace but I also have Lyme Disease, it is not easy to live through, I actually didn't think I would live through it. However the Lords grace is sufficient. He has given me peace in a state of chaos and He wants to give everyone that peace but people must choose the peace that only the Lord can bring. 

Do you have this peace? Have you ever thought about a peace that never ends? The Lord is a free gift, no strings attached. He died so that you may live, so that you may have peace. Have you accepted His gift? 

Prayer Requests: 

*That Dr P. will be able to keep his practice in Iowa and find the Lord in the process

*That the Lord will provide financially for me to be able to remain a student this year

*That Ashley and Natasha will continue to grow in the Lord 

*That you will consider the gift of God

Something New

We are all safe and sound back in Iowa. We had such a wonderful trip to remember, as we get older it is getting better and better! And its always been wonderful! Here are some pictures from the end of our trip. 

Aaron getting some air on his wakeboard

Another shot of Aaron

A first for us at our Ozark vacation, double skiing. Aaron and Kyle were great at it! It was so funny to see them chatting up a storm while they were skiing...they gave me a lot to watch! 

A video of Aaron and Kyle double skiing, check it out!

Mom and Tera during one of our skiing breaks 

Kevin met us to watch the gents ski

Aaron doing a backflip

The kiddos at Docknockers our favorite resturant at the Ozarks

And the adults at Docknockers

Dad and Mom on a boat cruse after dinner at Docknockers

A beautiful sunset on the water

So our vacation is over and we are back to 'normal' life although I am not sure there is a normal, especially during the summer! Tomorrow I am headed to Colorado with about twenty friends to visit a friend out there so I am not in town long! My parents are also headed to Minnesota on Wednesday, and Aaron is off to football camp, and Tera started her new job! What a busy family! 

Earlier in the week I drove the boat a couple times and on our way home on Saturday I drove the van! It was my first time driving in six months! I am so excited to be able to drive again! I need a co-pilot to make sure I know what I'm doing and where I am going but it is so fun to be able to drive! It is weird to drive but I am doing pretty well, sometimes I forget specific turns still but my memory is much better than it used to be! Every day I am getting better, and my memory is no exception. This healing process takes time but it is so beautiful to see the Lord work healing in my life. 

"And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."  ~Isaiah 58:11

I just love this verse, if we choose to lay down our life for the Lord, He will guide us, He will satisfy us, He will give us strength. There has not been one day in the last eight months where I had enough strength to get up that day, and by myself I didn't, but by the grace of God and met needs I was always given the strength I needed that day to endure. No more, no less. 

God is personal, He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. There is not one need I have that the Lord has not met, and if you look at your life you will see the same if you have chosen to follow Christ. 

Prayer Requests: 

*Safety traveling to Colorado

*That my body will handle the car ride and trip well 

*That I will continue to rejoice in all things

*That Dr P. will be able to keep his practice in Iowa and turn to the Lord during this time

Ozark Entertainment

Vacation has been wonderful. It has been hot but not too humid. We have gone skiing a lot, having wave runner fun, visiting restaurants and relaxing! We love our Ozark Family Vacation! 

This week I have been on the sidelines but my family sure does give me a lot to watch! 

Mom Skiing with a shot of the driver 

Aaron

Tera

Kyle

Dad 

A video of Aaron wakeboarding...he is getting very good! 

Mom and I on our way to Coconuts for lunch 

Tera and I on our way to West Marina for dinner and a swim

Kyle and Aaron on our way home from skiing 

Ever heard the saying no pain no game? 

These gents proved it. 

Kyle injured his toes three times, look closely one blood blister, one scrape from the ski on his big toe (still bleeding) and the last he broke his nail in half... outch! 

The sign of a true wave runner man, they must have a blister. 

Can you tell who the die hards are in our family? 

Kyle, Aaron, and Kevin

A couple of highlights on my end, I have been able to keep up pretty well, the heat isn't bothering me too much I believe the ten day medicine really helped and I'm excited to take it again. I drove for the first time this week since February! Of course it happened to be a boat, but I think it still counts! 

I choose in February to stop driving because of my symptoms; my eyesight was worse, my depth perception was off, it was hard to hear, I was dizzy, and I had memory problems. A couple times I forgot where I was going and then once I remembered I couldn't remember how to get there, so I pulled the plug on the car and let a friend use it. With my head stuff clearing up I will get back into driving prayerfully this week! Praise God! I can't believe how long I went but it was needed! 

I am excited to gain back a little freedom but I am so thankful for all of my friends and family who carted me around the last couple months, you will be rewarded in Heaven! 

I also finished my online class! This class was a test to see if I could remain a student while on my lyme medication. Every month will get easier but I passed the test! I have been approved to continue on in my 2+2 Program this fall. For now I will enjoy a whole month without homework! 

We have two days left of our vacation and then were headed home, tonight we are going to our family favorite on the lake, if you are ever in the area It's a must go... Docknockers they serve crab by the bucket and they have no dishes. It's a yummy and messy meal! 

Prayer Requests: 

*That we would have safe travels on the way home (all of us; Tim, Kevin, and Kyle included) 

*That the travel would not make me sick

*That Dr P. will be able to keep his practice in Iowa and turn to the Lord in this time