Consistent

The plan remains, beginning on monday morning, I will begin antibiotics. I am excited to start them because I am ready to kill them, I am excited to fight against this disease for the first time instead of letting it control my life. Now that we know what tools we need to fight with I am excited to begin. Although I am excited a part of me is also nervous. I began growing nervous because I do not know what my life will look like on antibiotics, I realize I will be sicker but I don't know how sick or how long, it is like a world of unknown's for me. 

The difference between antibiotics and any other time I have been ill is that I never choose to be in pain, it was given to me I didn't have a choice. Now it feels like I have a choice and I am choosing to be ill, I know that this is what it will take to get better and I also know that if the Lord brings us to something, He will bring us through it. A verse I read yesterday brought me a lot of comfort in this area.

Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle. My lovingkindness and my fortress, my shield and He in whom I take refuge...  ~Psalm 144:1-2

It is so good to be reminded that the Lord trains us, He does not ask us to do something without any support or knowledge He gives us everything we need to succeed. He provides us with strength, shelter, love, grace, mercy, joy, and so much more! 

When I look back I am so thankful for the last six weeks of laser treatment, where I didn't think that the treatment would cut it I am so thankful that we waited before antibiotics. I am thankful because six weeks ago when I left the doctors office I told my family I needed a vacation. I was so exhausted and tired and I hadn't even begun fighting lyme disease yet. The last six weeks I believe have really built up my energy and gotten me ready for a long battle with antibiotics. 

The Lord has provided me rest and in the process has been preparing me for another battle, one which I am equipped for. One thing that I was reminded of is that although I may not know what my life will look like starting monday I can have confidence in who Christ is. Are lives change all the time but the one thing that will never change is Jesus Christ, He is my rock, He is the one I lean on and because of that I know that no matter what antibiotics are like the Lord will be my strength and will never leave my side no matter how dark the day is. 

Some updates on life: I have one quiz left in my May term class which I will take on thursday and my class will be complete. Its been a lot of work and I am thankful its almost done! However I will begin my next class on June 6th which will go through July. This class is kinda a test to see how I handle class and antibiotics so please be praying it works well together. Lastly, I am doing Mission to the City which begins tonight and is through Wednesday, its through my church The Downtown Church and is a time when we reach out to the community and help people in our town, here in Des Moines. Also there will be a free Aaron Gillespie concert f riday June 3rd you can get your tickets online at www.thedtc.org if you would like to come. 

Prayer Requests: 

*That I can have success in my summer class

*Grace on my PRAXIS text in two weeks

*Wisdom on when to work and when to rest during this Mission Trip

*That the Lord will continue to use this for good

*That I will not be nervous to start the medicine but rely on the Lord 

Defense

Unlike my last blog said I did not start antibiotics on monday, the decision of what treatment to do has been really good for me. I really love change when it comes to moving or new classes and things like that but when it comes to medical decisions I have found I really hate change. The decision to be made is when to start antibiotics. I have been claiming this verse: 

In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be ashamed; in Your righteousness deliver me. Incline Your ear to me, rescue me quickly; be to me a rock of strength, a stronghold to save me. For You are my rock and my fortress; for Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.  ~Psalms 31:1-3 

This decision I gave to the Lord weeks ago and it has be such a joy to see our 'plans' continue to change and to see the difference in my reaction, from a month ago to today, as they continue to change. Last week I was told by my parents and nurse that this is my decision to make and they will support me whatever it is. From my previous month of praying about it I have decided that I am going to start antibiotics on monday May 30th. I chose this date because this way I can have two weeks of laser treatment to help build up the health of my organs to handle the antibiotics. I will continue to do laser treatments, purely for organ health when on antibiotics but it will be once a week or less. 

These are some of the big reasons why I have chosen antibiotics. For starters this is what I have felt I needed from the get go, I have always felt I needed the antibiotics. Another reason is we realized that what I thought was a herx really was not, it was from the stress of the laser on my head, when my nurse and I made this connection we moved the laser from my head and did my organs instead and I have not had my annual saturday head pain. This also means that the laser is not killing off the disease. Lastly, we talked to Dr. P about his success rate, one huge problem with lyme patients is getting on antibiotics and never getting off, however he has a very good success rate. Everyone who has followed his protocol completely is off antibiotics, he knows his stuff and has lived it himself. 

There are more things as well but these are the main reasons why I decided to start antibiotics next week, my plans can change, I am only shown by the Lord what is good for today but this is a decision that looks like it will stand. 

He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me.  ~Psalm 55:18 

I love this verse because all of us are fighting something, I currently fight lymes disease and decisions and I know that the Lord is by my side through all of this and will see me through it all. 

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart exults, and with song I shall thank Him. The Lord is their strength, and He is a saving defense to His anointed. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd also, and carry them forever.  ~Psalm 28:7-9 

 I love soccer but there was one position I really hated and that was goalie. Every time I got stuck as goalie I always wanted the best defense no question about it, good defense means the goalie is protected. God is our defense, He is the best defense but there are some things that He lets slide. There are some things that are good for us to tackle, things that grow us closer to the Lord. When God lets something pass Him, He asks us protect our goal, to fight, but He doesn't just stand by and watch. He is there telling us what step to take, encouraging us and fighting beside us. We may not understand the things we are asked to fight but we will have victory through God alone. 

Prayer Requests:
*That I may remain a students during antibiotics
*Continued wisdom in treatment decision
*This will continue being used for good
*Praise-My dizziness has gone down, I believe the lyme is moving from my head to my joints again. I still have eyesight, hearing, and memory problems but its a good start removing the dizziness. Physical pain is easier to push through. Please pray that the lyme will continue moving to my joints.

Graduation

Graduation has come and gone and officially I am a DMACC alumni. I graduated this year with many of my friends including; Katelyn Kiehl, Hannah VanSickle, Brittnay Porter, Eliska Cramer, Nathan Joy, Stephen Crane, Alex Deeter, Blair Rosenbeck, and I believe more I am forgetting. 

A couple interesting points: 

*My whole house, a total of five women, all graduated this week

*We were the first graduation ceremony at Wells Fargo...woop woop

*Most of us are staying at DMACC :) 

 The DMACC Graduation Class of 2011

 PS: Im the one in blue :) 

The graduates left at the after gathering- left to right: Blair, Eliska, Katelyn, me, Alex

The ladies :) 

If anyone would have asked me at the beginning of this semester if I though I was going to finish and pass all of my classes I would have honestly told you no. The lyme has affected not only my physical body but also my brain (found out they call it lyme brain). I began missing homework assignments and getting behind in all of my classes when some of my friends stepped up and reminded me I was a student and that I had homework. They kept me up on my due dates and when I had class and they gave me rides to class. I can honestly say because of the Lords strength and grace and the wonderful friends and classmates He has blessed me with I passed all my classes and graduated. 

For those who do not know I am in the 2+2 program for Elementary Education with UNI. All my classes are in Ankeny with UNI teachers, we do our learning via ICN and online. The program is two and half years long and is part time. At first I was hesitant to do part time because I will not graduate until December 2013 but felt like that was what the Lord was asking me to do. Today I look back at how the Lord led and I am so thankful that I am a part time student now I have a higher chance at being able to handle part time being sick. Most people with lyme on antibiotics have to quit school, but I am praying that because it is part time I can remain in the program. I have been off work since February and prayerfully with one focus I can keep up in school. 

Thank you for your prayers in wisdom in a treatment, my parents and I talked with all of my doctors and decided that on monday I will begin my antibiotics. I will be on them for about two years, I will continue doing laser treatment and water therapy in hope that they make the antibiotics easer to handle. I don't exactly know what it will look like when I begin antibiotics but I do know that I will herx a lot more which in our eyes, although it is painful, it is good because it shows that the bacteria is dying. When I start the antibiotics I will become a lot sicker, sleep a lot more, and herx more but all of these are things that are expected and needed to ever be treated for lyme. 

The Lord has given me a lot of peace about beginning antibiotics because I know this is what the Lord has led me to, and if He leads us to something He will lead us through it. The Lord does not throw us off the nest before we are ready to fly, He prepares us today for what we may need tomorrow. I am not sure I will ever be prepared for what lies ahead but I have learned a valuable lesson this past week and that is to focus on today. 

So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  ~Matthew 6:34 

If  I focus on tomorrow I forget about today, I have been practicing focusing on the day at hand and I see huge blessings in it. When I focus on today I live for today, for my reality, not something that could be in the future. I believe the only way to handle this lyme treatment is to look at each day as it comes, because if I look ahead I will get exhausted and not want to walk that road, I know it will be painful so why would I walk into pain. But I also know my victory lies in the Lord. 

Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand. Some boast in chariots and some in horses but we will boast in the of the Lord our God. They have bowed down and fallen, but we have risen and stood upright.  ~Psalm 20:6-9

I have a long road ahead, one that will have many twists and turns but one that the Lord has perfectly planed out, even if I cant read the map. 

Prayer Requests:

*That I can remain a student through antibiotic treatment

*Unity in medical decisions

*Wisdom in decision making

*That I will focus on today

Storms

For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind, which lifted up the waves of the sea. They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths;  their soul melted away in their misery. They reeled and staggered like a drunken man, and were at their wits end. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed.    ~Psalm 107:25-29

The Lord raised up a storm so that the people would turn to Him. I believe this is why people go through pain; the loss of a loved one, physical pain, emotional pain, relational pain. There are so many different types of hurt that we as humans can feel that makes life hard, but one thing I love about it is those times that the world meant to harm us the Lord changes for good. 

Everyone has storms in their life, one of the greatest things I have learned is that God will not calm all of our storms. Sometimes it is better for our life to be stormy that pure sunshine. I accepted Christ four years ago now, I turned to the Lord because I was in a storm and realized the only way out was through the Lord. As you can see I am still in my storm but there is a huge difference between now and before I was saved. Now I can stand firm through the storms, the Lord, although He may not calm our storm, provides us with everything we need to get through it. He is our provision, no matter how fierce our storm. 

There have been quite a few changes this week, this week for laser treatment they went 'easy' on me due to finals week, it is also to see how saturday is, if I herx or not with the lighter treatment. (So far its not too bad, little worse than a normal day but not like a full blown herx) Due to my lack of response to laser treatment my sessions will be extended thirty days. I have not had any positive reactions or changing symptoms in the right direction since treatment began, I am actually the first patient my nurse has had reverse in symptoms after starting this treatment. 

Some of my symptoms have been getting worse, the lyme has been focused on my brain lately and those symptoms are continuing to worsen. Some of the biggest issues that are continuing to decline is my memory, eyesight, and dizziness. 

Due to my lack of response from laser treatment my Physical Therapist cant do anything with me. This week we were to start land exercise, bikes, walking etc. but two minutes into biking my hip pain went up quite a bit so we had to stop. He said my body is at a plateau, right now we can not add any new exercises because my body can not handle it. So I will continue to do the water therapy on my own three times a week for maintenance of balance and muscle movement. 

Due to all of these changes it has been a hard week emotionally and physically, but through all of this I was reminded of this verse and beautiful truth. 

How blessed are the people who know the joyful sound! O Lord, they walk in the light of your countenance, in your name they rejoice all the day and by your righteousness they are exalted. For you are the glory of their strength.  ~Psalm 89:16-17

I realized something yesterday, I am not rejoicing. I learned about joy at my grandma Dar's funeral and I thought it would be a lesson I would carry with me always but I temporally forgot it. There is one reason I need to be thankful and rejoice and that is due to what Jesus Christ has done for us. He has given us life and no circumstance can take that away from us. I am saved, I have the hope of Heaven and because of that I have the opportunity to rejoice! This is what I will be focusing on, rejoicing because of who God is not where I am. 

Prayer Requests: 

*Wisdom in treatment plans

*Wisdom for my doctors

*That the joy of the Lord would be my strength. Nehemiah 8:10

*The Lord will continue to use this for good