Rivers in the Desert

Yesterday my liver would not let up, it was the worst it had ever been for the longest it had ever been. Between my hurting liver and difficulty breathing it was a rough day. I also herxed again yesterday afternoon which is good to see the medicine continue to do its job. 

Due to all the different symptoms we called my doctor about difficulty breathing and my hurting liver. My liver is struggling due to the medicine I am on, my liver has never been the healthiest one out there, its been through a lot with all the medicine over the past few years and now it is more noticeable that it lacks. They started me on a supplement yesterday called thistle to help my liver function so prayerfully my liver will have more success. It also turns out that the difficulty breathing is due to one of my co-infections babesia, so they put me on an inhaler to help my lungs and airways relax. 

I just started these extra things last night so haven't seen a huge difference yet but I believe the inhaler is helping me breathe a little easier, which is a huge blessing! 

This verse has brought me comfort the last few months but especially the last two days.

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."  ~Isaiah 43:18-19 

So many times I expect life to go the same way it has gone, I forget about change. This is a change in my life, and in areas it has me so dry. It is hard for me to stay encouraged on days that are more painful than others, it is hard for me to see good sometimes when I cant get out of bed. But it is beautiful to see the promises of the Lord, He has new in store for all of our lives. So new its like 'roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.' 

My huge prayer for lyme disease is that it will be used for good. That the Lord will use my lyme to affect other peoples lives along with my own. More specifically I have been praying that I would have the opportunity to have an influence on others who struggle with lyme disease. Let me tell you, the Lord is doing something new something I would have never imagined, something I still don't see the whole picture off but its worth the wait. 

My parents are wonderful, they have been along side of me every step of the way, through every bout of pain and now through treatment. The Lord is using my mom in a huge way, its been going on since I have was diagnosed in March but is continually growing. My mom is getting phone calls from all over the United States asking questions about lyme disease and what we are doing for treatment. 

What surprises us though is the amount of people in central Iowa who are newly diagnosed lyme patients. When I started laser treatments my nurse told me that we (lyme patients) were coming out of the floor boards, I laughed at the time but now I see how true that is! I know of six new cases the last few weeks from Iowa...crazy, some doctors still don't think Iowa has lyme. Guess we proved them wrong :) 

I don't know what the Lord has in store for the lyme patients in Iowa but we are hoping to have a gathering, an opportunity to get to know one another and support one another. I have considered going to a lyme disease support group but was encouraged not to because the time was mostly spent complaining. I would love to get a group together where we can support one another and a time where the truth of Christ may be shared. Please be praying for an opportunity to do so, feel free to let me know if you have any ideas. 

Prayer Requests: 

*Dr P will be able to keep his practice in Iowa; strength and grace in doing so, that Dr P will turn to the Lord during this time

*An opportunity to meet/talk to some of the Iowans with lyme disease

*That my body can grow to handle the medicine

Light Overcomes

Today is exactly three weeks of being on medicine, I had a follow-up with Dr. P today and it went well. We went through the symptom list one by one and it was so good to hear that my worsening symptoms and new symptoms are a good sign. I knew it was good but it is so refreshing to hear it from others, especially my doctor. 

The choking spells I had is also considered common among lyme patients, my chest is still tight and I cough more often but its nothing to be concerned about. The last week or so every time I take medicine I am nauseous, this too is common. However I learned today I am taking my probiotic wrong, I have been taking it with my antibiotic, which eats it up so I don't get any of the good nutrients. So prayerfully changing the timing of my probiotic will help with the nausea. 

This month I will be starting a lot of different medications some for my co-infections and some simply for lyme. My next appointment is in eight weeks and by then we should be noticing major improvements. Most all of Dr P's patients see improvements within two to three months of treatment. We are three weeks into the battle, hard times are coming but I will take one day at a time and cross bridges when they come. 

Indeed, if a man should live many years, let him rejoice in them all, and let him remember the days of darkness, for there will be many. ~Ecclesiastes 11:8 

I read this and was slightly confused at why we should remember our bad times or trials and not the joys of life. I realized that when we remember our bad days we can see the good days as they are, as a blessing. If we remember the good days we set a standard for how we want a day to be but if we remember the hard days and how the Lord delivered us we see a whole new realm of joy. There is a lot of darkness in this world, everyone has a lot of bad days but Jesus Christ is so much brighter than our darkness. May we always remember our dark days so we may truly give thanks.  

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Lyme disease is a tricky bug. Its hard to live with, hard to diagnose, hard to treat, and I guess hard to believe. Animals also get lyme disease, its very common in horses and dogs and treatment for them is pretty simple. I found out last week they actually have a vaccine to protect dogs from lyme. What! Many doctors don't even believe lyme exists! I am not very knowledgeable about this, I'm pretty new to the lyme world, but am planning on studying up!

Some of my limited knowledge is that lyme is a political battle. Lyme disease is so different than any other method of treatment and any other set of symptoms which makes it controversial. I would bet you most lyme patients you talk to today have had a doctor tell them that their pain is in their head and they need to tough it up. I was told that, I was told I was depressed and needed to get out more. At the time I couldn't even bend over to tie my shoes. I am not the only one who has heard this, many patients have it worse and their family doesn't even support them. I understand both sides, I have been the patient with jumping symptoms I didn't tell anyone for the first year and a half because the ones I told didn't believe me and I couldn't blame them. I began to even doubt myself. 

By the time many lyme patients get diagnosed they are at the end of their rope barely hanging on. Thats not even the worst, I mentioned earlier that lyme is a political battle, lyme specialists are being turned in all over the country and getting their license taken away because of their treatment method. Although they are successful, its not the usual. My doctor, Dr. P, was written up on thursday. What does this mean? 

He was written up by a pharmacy in Iowa that was suspicious due to the medicine orders the patient was sending it, it wasn't normal. So now there are two things that can happen. One-he could give in and let them take his license and move to another state or two-he can fight. Dr P. has chosen to fight and will be going to court. Many of his patients have already stepped up and are doing fundraising for court costs and supporting where they can.

It blows my mind how you can take a successful doctor who has a wonderful record of patient health and simply take their practice away. Dr P is not the first and he is certainly not the last. Lyme disease breaks my heart, how much the patients suffer especially those without hope, those without Christ. You finally get a diagnosis, a doctor and a treatment plan and it can all be taken away so easily. Please be praying for Dr P and his practice that he would win the battle and be able to remain in Iowa. 

Prayer Requests: 

*That Dr P may keep his practice in Iowa; and strength and grace in the process that he may grow to know the Lord through this experience

*The patients that go to him would learn through this to put their hope in Christ who will never let them down

*Endurance through the new medicine

*That I will follow the Lords leading in where to help 

*Strength for my mom and how she is helping

Simply Today

I have been on antibiotics for almost two weeks now, each day has its own set of challenges and lately a new set of symptoms. For the last four days I am continuing to get worse, its part of the process and I knew I would but it is still difficult now that I'm here.

The last couple days I began to get overwhelmed by lyme disease, I was looking ahead. I have realized that looking ahead at this point is not good, because when I look ahead all I see is pain. I learned a couple months ago that I need to focus on today and I realized just how important it is to take one day at a time. If I look at today I see the grace God has given me, the strength the Lords holds me up with, the pain but also the joys of life. 

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones. ~Proverbs 17:22  

I have joy and hope because of the cross of Christ and when I look only at today the blessing stand out more than the pain. I heard one time when you look ahead in your life, look far enough to see heaven. And when you look back, look far enough to see the cross. If we focus on the things that are, the things that will never change our gaze is fixed and our gate is set, we will endure all things. 

Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. ~Proverbs 23:18

Earlier last week when I kept looking ahead I didn't see my future, or a good one anyway. I was looking at August when I may be pain free, or in two years when I may be off antibiotics and my fight will be over. But none of those are set in stone, if I put my hope in a date I will be crushed because the chances that would be the right date are so slim. But I love this verse because it is such a great reminder that even if I can't see it or visualize a day without pain the Lord has a future planned for my life, and through all the twists and turns, ups and downs I will always have the hope of God and that is so much more than enough. 

Some detail, the last week or so every day I began getting sick at noon and feeling better at five, except for the last two days which have pretty rough the whole day, every day I wake up a new thing hurts or makes itself known. I am back on a bland diet of carbs and fruit, I simply can't digest any other food. I have no idea why I can eat fruit, when my gallbladder went bad I was on this 'carb and fruit diet' and I had the doctors so confused. I guess fruit is harder to digest than anything else because of the acid in it, but for me it is the easiest. 

I started the diet again because whenever I would eat protein or veggies I would have stabbing pain in my abdomen. I have other new small symptoms but the biggest change happened last night. I was just about to head to bed when it felt like someone was squeezing my chest, beginning at the top of my stomach up to my thyroid. The pressure made me choke but after about five minutes of coughing the pressure began to go down again, I kept coughing into the night but nothing like the first five minutes. My chest doesn't feel as tight but I still can't get a full breath and it hurts to use long sentences. We have a call into Dr. P but since its a weekend we won't hear back until Monday, so I will keep you updated on that. 

I am not feeling well tonight so I decided to stay home from church, my parents are in town so they are stopping by with sizzling rice soup! The best soup and the best parents! 

Prayer Requests:
*That I will have a rejoicing heart no matter the pain
*That I will be able to clearly recognize a herx
*That I will focus on today
*That I will rely on the Lords strength not mine
*That the Lord will bless those blessing me

Good News!

Today I herxed for the first time! I started feeling worse around noon and progressively got worse until three when I decided I was herxing, I took the medicine Dr. P gave me and went to bed. Yes, the herx was painful but I was so surprised at how much better I felt when I woke up an hour and a half later! That medicine does what it claims and for that I am so thankful! 

Herxing, although its not fun, its needed. Its the process of the lyme dying, to me it also shows that we have begun the battle. If patients don't herx on their oral medicine they have to do IV medication, so another huge praise the Lord that the battle is beginning to rage orally. 

Today I realized that I was believing lies. I felt disgusted, not physically ill but like my lyme is disgusting to others. The last week I have always wanted to be alone when I detox, go to treatment, when i'm sick or need more sleep I didn't want people to see me at my worst. I believe I was afraid if people knew all about my lyme and how it effects me they would run. I was reminded of characteristics of God in the book 3:16 by Max Lucado, 

Since He has no needs, you can not tire Him. 

Since He is without age, you can not lose Him. 

Since He has no sin, you can not corrupt Him.

We serve a God who is faithful to death, we have so many needs and He has none. He will always be there for us, always supporting us, comforting us, breathing strength into us when we feel we cant go on. He is a God that no matter the circumstance He will remain the same. I never need to fear of the Lord running in disgust. I have also learned to trust my friends more, my friends love the Lord and prove so daily in all the sacrifices they make for me and a variety of other areas. I am learning to trust them, to not feel disgusted of myself with them but to rely on the Lord. 

He is the foundation I need to stand strong, He isn't going anywhere and because of that neither am I. I don't live my life perfectly, I sin, I need a savior and God has given us one. 

Prayer Requests:
*That I would have a healthy trust in my brothers and sisters
*Grace in my new class, that I can keep up
*Wisdom in recognizing a herx
*That the Lord will continue to use this for good

Praises:
*My first herx!
*I passed the PRAXIS! (Two sections anyway, I will find out about the third next week)

Giving Thanks

Mission to the City was wonderful! There were so many opportunities to serve, the DMACC girls and I were placed with a DTC bible study for the week and it was so good to be able to serve and build relationships with them. Some of the things we did included; work at our church, Ruth Harbor, Easter Seals camp, Iowa Right to Life, Operation Christmas Child, door to door fliers, and evangelism. The Lord gave me so much grace this week in how much I could handle, I was able to be at most of the things. I ended up joining my team around ten every morning and then taking a nap every afternoon which worked really well. The girls were great about my limitations, like always! 

Another blessing was that our group also had a lot of service times where we had the opportunity to sit and serve which is best for me. I was also very thankful because there were three pregnant women who are all six or more months along so we stuck together during the physical labor service parts, it was refreshing to have others who also have physical limitations. 

Half way through Mission to the City I began my antibiotics, so a new phase begins! I have not herxed yet however I am having more pain. I was told that the medicine will make me herx which is flu like symptoms, this occurs due to the death of the lyme bacteria, it explodes when it dies leaving us sick. I was also told most all of my symptoms would come back through antibiotics and that is where I have noticed a difference, my dizziness was gone for about two weeks and came back yesterday morning and today I have had some pretty bad stabbing pain in my abdomen. But to me this is a good sign, a sign that the medicine is beginning to kick in. 

"It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statues. The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces." ~Psalm 119:71-72 

As time continues I see more and more blessings that I have been given from lyme disease. First and foremost I am saved today because of lyme disease, my world was taken away and I realized how Christ is my world. Yesterday Laurie, Katelyn, and I were watching a lyme disease documentary and I realized how blessed I am that the lyme has affected me physically and not mentally. The problem with lyme disease is that it is in your blood and can attack whatever it wants, for me the main focus was pain in my joints and abdomen. Only the last couple months did the lyme travel up to my brain causing dizziness, memory loss, eyesight problems, and depth perception errors. Slowly the last month the lyme is traveling from my head back to my joints which was a very good move! So many people are effected purely in their brain which can cause permanent brain damage, loss of movement, even death. 

In watching the documentary I was thankful that the lyme has effected me physically and secondly that I have a never changing hope in Jesus Christ. Almost everyone that was on the film placed their hope in their doctors, I have done that before I know where it leads, it will eventually crush you. But in placing your hope in the only one who deserves it, the only one who will never let you down, only then do you have the ability to rejoice always because our joy does not come in our circumstances but in our God. 

Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have rescued my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living. ~Psalm 116:7-9 

One day this pain will be gone, my pain, everyones pain. One day the Lords kingdom will finally come but for now we wait. Its gonna be worth it. 

Prayer Requests: 

*That the Lord will continue to use this for good

*That the Lord will give me creative ways to use lyme disease to advance the gospel 

*I take the PRAXIS on Monday, its a test to get into the teacher education program, please pray I feel good that day and grace in answers 

*My next class begins next week, grace in homework and using my good days effectively 

Praise: My May class is successfully finished!