Temporary

I have said this before but how fast time flies! My four day vacation resulted in a week and four days which turned into three weeks. And (of course) it couldn't have been better timing! God's timing is always perfect but I am still in awe that is it always perfect. Over the last three weeks I have been off of all my medicine, I had to go off because the medicine was working too quickly and it caused my head stuff (dizziness, eyesight loss, hearing loss, and memory loss) to come back. I was unable to drive for about two weeks which is very difficult in the middle of a semester but my friends made sacrifices to get me to class and work, I will always be grateful for them! 

So why was God's timing perfect? Last thursday I had one of the biggest projects of my life due, Alex Deeter and I worked together on this project and it proved to be a beast. We spent eight weeks working on it, and ton's of hours working to finish it. The week before it was due almost all of my head stuff cleared up and I was feeling great! I joked with my friends that I was a 'fake lyme patient' because I was feeling so good! I was taking only five pills a day all of which were supplements, I could wake up earlier, stay up later, take less naps life was great! Although it was great I still had pain, however it was mostly joint pain which is easier to endure. 

So the Lords perfect timing enabled Alex and I to finish our project on time without going insane and without myself getting sick. These last couple of weeks have been wonderful in catching up and striving to get ahead in school. I am honestly shocked that I am still a student! There have been so many days where I didn't think I would make it, I even looked at drop dates and possible alternatives but Gods strength has been just enough like it always is. :) 

I began my first medication on saturday night and so far I am doing well. My abdomen pain returned, its mostly caused from the medicine, I have less energy, and need more sleep once more. I knew the day would come but I had a great vacation! I still have a lot of school work left in these last six weeks so I am praying for time management and strength to endure what needs to be done. 

Many of you may not know but I am a farm girl at heart. My family is from small town Iowa and I had the opportunity to live farm life with my cousins. They went to Denmark for four months so my family took over the farm and the kennel business for them. They returned home and I stayed. I was given a taste of the farm life and I loved it! 

One of my favorite things about the farm was my horse Sneaky, I showed him for six years, and rode him for eight years. There is a strange connection between a horse and its rider, and Sneaky and I were the tightest. He was with me through it all, I rode him for a year before I began having symptoms of lyme. But even with the lyme I rode constantly and it always amazed me how Sneaky would react to my pain level of the day. I was told once that horses can feel the pain of their rider and I honestly think its true. The days I didn't feel well he took it easy on me and the days I felt okay he pushed me to be a better rider. He is such a good horse, I have so many wonderful memories with him. 

Here are a few pictures of Sneaky and I ...

Sneaky and I jumping, my favorite thing to do on him. 

Sneaky and I 

My brother Aaron and I doing the tandem bareback ride on Sneaky

I bring up Sneaky because he was a huge part of my life and that chapter is now closed. Sneaky was put down on friday afternoon, he lived a good and long life. It has been a rough week for me emotionally because he did have a huge impact on my life and through my healing. I knew getting into farm life would have its pain but I didn't realize exactly how hard it would be, but it was worth it. I hope one day I can have a horse even half as a good as Sneaky was. 

Although my horse is gone my life continues, I continue to fight the battle of lyme disease, I continue seeking the Lord and sharing His truth, I continue in my classes. This life is temporary everything will pass away, I want to live my life for something that will remain forever and that is Jesus Christ. 

Prayer Requests:
*That I can keep up in my school work
*That the medicine won't be too strong for me
*That I can manage my time well
*That I will know my limitations
*That I will daily be about God's business

My Burden

My vacation has come and gone and it has resulted in another vacation. Last week Tuesday through Saturday I was off of all my medicine, I began some of my pills on Sunday and my symptoms worsened. I tried to tough it out a couple days but I kept getting worse. Again my nurse Angela recommended me to get off of all medicine except supplements. 

Yesterday was my first day off of my medicine again. I have been given a week off of medicine and if my symptoms are not gone by a week I will have to add more pills to detox the dead bacteria. The main problem these last few weeks is that the medicine has been working faster than my body can handle. The medicine is killing the lyme bacteria and my body cant detox it out. I am doing detox smoothies and detox foot/hand baths but my body is still on overload. 

These last few weeks have been hard on my physically as you know but they have also been hard on me spiritually. I realized yesterday that I was trying to fight this by myself. I was using my strength, I was trying to handle lyme by myself. I had picked up my burdens again.  

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This is an excerpt from the book Do you Think I'm Beautiful. By Angela Thomas. 

A traveler was walking down the road laboring under the heavy burden he was carrying on his back. Along came a man with a horse-drawn cart. Pulling alongside the traveler, the cart driver said, "Sir, I see that you are carrying a heavy load and that it makes you weary. Wouldn't you rather ride in my cart than carry that heavy burden?"

"Yes," the traveler said as he got into the cart. "Now I will no longer have to walk with this burden." A little farther down the road the cart driver looked behind him and was quite astonished to see the traveler sitting in the cart still carrying his burden, held tightly on his back. 

"Sir, why do you still bend under the weight of your burden when you could simply set it down?" he asked. "You have helped me so much already," said the traveler, "I wouldn't want to impose on you any further." 

"But don't you see," replied the cart driver, "it would not be an imposition on me for you to put your burden down. Look at my horse; he is strong and willing. He was made to carry heavy burdens. Besides, both of you are now carrying your load, yet my horse will carry your load whether you do or not! So please put your burden down or you will wear yourself out and make my horse feel unappreciated." 

Belief requires us to climb into the cart and then put everything down. When we put the full weight of our lives on the Lord, then we give Him the authority to take over. 

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Just like the man in this cart so are we in the arms of God, if we simply choose to let go of our burdens then we may have the rest that the Lord is longing to give us. Two weeks ago I choose to pick up my burden again and I am so thankful for the reminder to let it go. I can not handle my problems, I can not handle my pain. Christ is the one who gives me strength, He is my endurance. It doesn't matter where I am at but rather who Christ is and what He has done for me. May we always remember to keep our gaze focused on Him and not our situation. 

Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. ~ Ephesians 6:10 

Do not be grieved for the joy of the Lord is your strength. ~ Nehemiah 8:10b 

Prayer Requests:
*That I can keep my gaze on Christ
*That my symptoms will go away so I can begin medicine again
*That I will be able to remain a student
*That I can keep up in my classes
*That I will never again pick up the burden of lyme disease but let God carry it

October

October is upon us; beautiful colors, smells of fall, cool nights. I love it! Fall is my favorite time of year, I just love jeans and sweatshirts! This year however October has a different meaning for me. October as we know is when the temperatures begin to cool which means for lyme patients like me, more pain. The lyme bacteria does not like heat and because of that I feel less pain in the warm temperatures and more pain in the cool. So for people with pain October and April tend to be some of the hardest months.

I have been trying these last couple months to fight lyme hard to prepare for winter, because I know more symptoms will show from the cold and I have been taking a lot of steps forward but sometimes I take steps back. So far October, although the beautiful warm weather, is holding up to its name. 

On Monday I took some big steps backward. My head stuff came back; memory loss, eyesight loss, hearing loss and dizziness. I had all of these symptoms when I was at the worst of my lyme, they left a couple months ago so I was surprised when they showed up again. I talked to my nurse Angela and she recommended a vacation. 

I'm not known as one to turn down vacation! So I am on a medicine vacation, FOUR WHOLE DAYS of no medicine! (Except supplements) Angela said many times the medicine can kill so much bacteria that our bodies cant get rid of it fast enough and we end up getting sicker. She believes I was at this point so here I am. I am on day three and feeling pretty good, my head stuff is still here I am temporarily not driving for my safety but overall I believe my body is starting to catch up to all of the medicine. 

This was a perfect week for me to have a vacation, I am on week eight of school now but I have no idea how I have completed that much! I am taking ten credits of classes, I have to take this many to stay in my program but I wish I could have taken less. I knew it would be hard to get back to everyday life as a lyme patient but I didn't realize how hard it would be to keep up. School work is overloading me, I have a lot of projects this semester and was getting bogged down. All of my free time is spent sleeping, at treatment or therapy. 

If I sound like I am complaining I do not mean to be so I hope that is not the vibe that you are getting I just want you to understand that this phase of life is hard for me and I need your prayers in this. I am struggling to keep up with school, even on a vacation I haven't gotten much homework done. But God is God of all situations, I have confidence He will provide the means to accomplish whatever needs to be done. 

This weekend I am going to a Focus Conference, I am very EXCITED! I am even more excited now that I don't have my weekend medicine because now I should be able to participate in most of it instead of sleeping! I am excited for a much needed get away to focus on the Lord. A break from life, as much as I can get anyway. Please be praying for this conference that the Lord would be moving and revealing Himself to people through this. 

Prayer Requests:

*That I will manage my time well

*That I can keep up in school and not feel overwhelmed

*That this vacation helps build up my body and it will be ready to fight again come Sunday

*That Focus will be an uplifting time with the Lord, that I would feel fresh spiritually

*That I can remain a student as a lyme patient