What a past couple of days! I have some good news! My organs are beginning to hurt less, I went in to my doctor today and he said that during surgery some of my other organs could have been bumped or scratched and I could have done something to jar them in the wrong way. None the less they are on the upward climb! More good things, the last three nights I have been able to sleep! I am really thankful for the much needed rest because the new medicine I started today will make it hard to sleep again.
Some new symptoms:
last night at class I got really itchy and realized I had a small rash so I went to bed hoping that it would be gone by morning and I was wrong, it had spread and my hands and feet were very swollen. I couldn't bend my fingers and walking was hard but my hands are doing much better and my feet are on their way as well. The medicine I started today is for the rash, they are doing testing because they have no clue what it is from. I think it is really interesting, I only have the rash around my joints; feet, knees, hips, wrists and hands they have no clue why this is but I thought it was fascinating.
The last thing I will say about my symptoms is that for about two weeks my memory has been getting worse, I am forgetting quite a bit of things which makes school and doctor visits hard by myself. However I have wonderful friends and classmates who keep me updated on homework due and remind me of things I need to have done etc. I truly couldn't survive this without my friends and family. Thank you all for you patience and grace!
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"When pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all." C. S. Lewis
Tincture: slight quality added to any thing, a trace, a slight infusion (Webster's Dictionary)
I think that C. S. Lewis is right on, at least this quote has proved true in my life. When I was in High School and I became sick this world taught me to hide my pain to suck it up and show a brave face, to have courage. I did that but what I longed for was someone to sit by me and cry with me. I know that sounds depressing but I was a teenager for all I knew the pain may never go away. The friends that I told I had pain ran, they didn't know what to say, but I didn't want them to say anything I just wanted them to cry with me I wanted human sympathy. Lastly the love of God, as you know a year and a half into my pain I accepted Christ into my life. It was then that I was no longer depressed, I came to an understanding that I could live with the pain forever and I was okay with that. Why?
I was okay with the pain because I know that one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe decades from now I am going to die, every single one of us will. Death is a fact of life, it used to be something I feared and you may roll your eyes or stop reading but please listen. God sent His son Jesus Christ to this world to die for us. Jesus could die for us because He lived a perfect life, He had no sin. Maybe some of you think you have lived a perfect life lets check it out I have some questions for you...
1)Have you ever told a lie?
2)Have you ever disobeyed your parents?
3)Have you ever said the Lords name as a curse?
4)Have you ever stolen something?
You may recognize these, they are some of the Ten Commandments, these are Gods standard of what is good, by telling a lie sin has entered our life and just as a man has to serve time here on earth for a crime he has committed so we will have to pay for our sin. Ready for the kicker? That is why God sent His son, look at those commands, they are impossible not to break! God set a high standard and He gave us His son so that if chosen Jesus will take the punishment for you.
Imagine if you had just murdered someone and are standing in front of a judge and you say, "Im so sorry, I didn't mean to do it! It will never happen again I just wasn't thinking clearly." What do you think the judge will say if they are fair, if they are just? "Yeah no problem! You can go free!" Yeah right! You would be thrown in prison, well now Jesus has shown up and he wants to pay the price, He wants to cover your prison sentence so that you may have life.
To have Christ in you life you have to come to an understanding that you have sinned and that you are guilty and deserve hell and have come to an understanding of who Jesus Christ is and what He did for you on the cross and ask him to cover your sins. Jesus came to this earth because of love, GOD LOVES YOU, but God will never force himself on you, you must choose him.
If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me or anyone you know who really loves the Lord. I believe this is the most important thing that anyone could ever think about. Have you thought about it?
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