Christmas & Blessings

I believe this Christmas has been my favorite one, we changed some traditions but I loved it. We had the Sampson family gathering on Christmas Eve, a first for us, with a total of 48 people there, only 17 missing. My grandma counted. :) Christmas Day we headed to the Sampsons again for a lite lunch, like our usual Sunday all my dads siblings, spouses, and some children came. Then for dinner we headed to the McCoy side of the family for Christmas Dinner, which was wonderful! I truly cherish the time we get with our family, I love them so much. They are such a blessing in my life.

On December 23rd I had my appointment with the hand specialist. The doctor confirmed that I had a ganglion cyst and said if I wanted another shot in the hand she could do one but she didn't think it would do anything. (The shot helps less than 50% of the time) So we talked about the other option, surgery, we found out due to the steroid shot I had I would have to wait until the end of January for surgery. 

The doctor left and let mom and I think awhile, a whole month before surgery with a useless dominant hand? I don't even know how long recovery is after surgery. Its hard to think about losing a hand for a long period of time. So the doctor came in a I decided to get the shot. I had a month to wait anyway, might was well try something while we waited. Turns out the shot worked! It exploded my cyst and the cyst is gone. Turns out December 23rd is quite a day for me. Last year I had my gallbladder removed and this year my cyst exploded. A day filled with medical history for me.

My hand is still sore so I'm not back to normal but I can use it more and more as the days progress. I am typing with two hands right now and this morning I wrote a little with my right hand. What wonderful steps! It has been almost three weeks without my dominant hand, I am so thankful to have it back, even if its not fully back yet. 

I am in need of prayers with my hand still, the doctor said that commonly when the shot is used the cyst will regrow anywhere from two weeks to two months. Please be praying that it would not return. On Christmas Eve I felt a bump in my hand again but today its gone again, so I am praying it stays that way. 

My lyme has again been great, it is so nice being out of the transition months of weather, they are so hard on people will pain. December has been warmer than usual and has had less storms and for that my body thankful, although I really love snow! I started my weekend medicine, I am taking one pill on Saturday and Sunday and thus far have been doing well. I am going to up the medicine after New Years so we will see what happens. 

This break from school has come in perfect timing! Like I should expect anything else from my God. I have time to hang out with friends and catch up on the long list of things I let fall during the semester. 

Tomorrow I am headed to an annual conference called FaithWalkers that my church goes to. Its a time where a variety of pastors speak, we get alot of time to worship, learn, eat, and sleep. Usually when the conference is done thats all I feel I have done but I love it a lot! Please be praying the Lord will use this conference in beautiful and challenging ways. For safety in driving to Omaha and soft hearts to learn. Also that my health would hold up and wisdom in when to rest. 

Lastly, my mom has joined the ranks of Lyme Disease. She was diagnosed with lyme just over a week ago.  Our lyme is completely different but we think we were infected at the same time. She started medicine and is doing well, prayerfully she stays that way. I will post more updates on her next week, but please keep her in your prayers. Also Dad, Tera, and Aaron will be getting tested as well, please pray for the results of those tests. May this verse be our hearts cry.

In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith , being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ~1 Peter 1:6-7

Prayer Requests:
*Praise: Ganglion Cyst is gone, pray it would stay gone
*Faithwalkers
*My mom; strength, would cling to the Lord during this time
*I would continue winning the battle of lyme

A New Lefty

Tuesday I completed my last final and today I taught for the last time at Stowe Elementary. I am so excited to be done with my classes although it was bitter sweet to leave my fourth graders. This semester has been a time filled with looking back and wondering how the Lord did it because it was not by my strength. 

Last week I was meditating on this verse:

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory. ~2 Corinthians 4:16-17 

This verse reminded me of my physical body and how lyme disease had victory over me for a long time, my body was decaying daily but due to that decay I have a stronger heart. Due to lyme my heart, my faith, is so much stronger than I could ever have imagined or even asked for. I have said it before but I am so thankful for my lyme and how the Lord has used it to mold me into the woman I am today; though I am still learning to rely step by step on the Lord.  

Thursday last week I was sitting in bible study and my hand started hurting, there was no reason for it to hurt so I felt around where the pain was. I felt a bump and an hour later my hand was completely useless. Its my right hand so I went to the doctor right away, turns out I have a ganglion cyst. The location of it makes my right hand pretty useless. I found it very funny that the same week that I was praising the Lord for my lyme and how He taught me so much through physical 'decay' that He gave me another opportunity to grow and trust Him.

So for a week now I have been a lefty, which is very unnatural for me but God is go gracious. I took two finals with my left hand and do almost everything with my left hand now. This experience has pruned me in so many ways; my attitude, focusing on not complaining and a new way for me to trust the Lord. If you ever feel like you want to serve the body of Christ more or want more treasure in Heaven come on over! I tend to be a very needy person :)

My friends have again been so helpful, things I didn't even think about that I cant do alone anymore. From helping me carry things, doing my hair, washing my hair in the sink, wrapping gifts, writing cards. You name it they have done it and not once complained. I am so THANKFUL for the wonderful men and women that the Lord has placed in my life, they are so sacrificial. 

Thus far there is no ending date for my cyst; I have an appointment scheduled with a surgeon December 23rd. Please be praying for this, due to my lyme the surgeon doesn't want to remove it, they want to mess around with it and see if another way will work but from what my doctor has told me surgery is my next option. Please pray they wouldn't dance around what needs to happen. Its doable but it is hard to live without your dominant hand. 

This last week my lyme has been wonderful! I barely notice it, I have been sleeping well, getting up earlier without an alarm clock, and can do more in a day. You can tell I'm ready for my next level of medicine! I will begin it on Saturday, I am praying it is manageable and I can live life as close to normal as possible. But whatever happens I have confidence the Lord will use it.

Prayer Requests:
*Wisdom for the surgeon with my cyst
*The Lord will continue to teach me through Lyme and my cyst
*That I will use my break wisely

Bear, Believe, Hope, Endure

My appointment went well last week, I really love my doctor and nurse, as time goes by we are building a fun relationship I am so thankful for them! Together we took a look at where I am at now and ideas to get back on track medicine wise. We decided to start up the second level of medicine at a half dose and remain on a half dose. The difficulty I am having is that the medicine is killing so much lyme that it is making me too sick to function. So by keeping it at half dose we are hoping I will be able to remain on it and not have to take another medicine break. 

I am planning on staying on level one and two through the rest of my semester and once finals are done (December 12th) I will begin the third level of antibiotics. Thus far on the second level I am doing fairly well, I have noticed memory problems arising again but we have ordered two new supplements to help me detox and bring down the inflammation in my head. So prayerfully the memory problems will remain small until I can get these supplements, and then they will decrease so I can move on to the third level of medication. 

(Love) Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. ~1 Corinthians 13:7-8a  

I read this verse today and I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord. No matter what we are going through or how pain filled our lives may be we have a God who loves us. Through the strength only the Lord supplies we can bear, believe, hope and endure through all things. I look at my life and I see a lot of pain, the last six years are scarred by lyme disease, and lyme has stolen most of my memory from childhood. I don't remember what it was like to run without pain, or ride my horse without a care, or get up without wondering what was going to hurt that day. I don't remember the luxury of life without pain.

My body is scarred but my heart is so much stronger because of those scars. I like to say my world, my body, was taken away from me and it was only once my physical life was gone that I realized Jesus was my life. He is the only thing that is worth it, the only thing that will last. I was living my life for myself, for horses, school, fun, friends. I was living for everything that is temporary. What do you live your life for? What are you doing today that will last? 

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.

 ~Romans 6:23

I was putting time and effort into things that would fade, things that produced only death. When lyme took my whole world, as I knew it, I realized something that changed the course of my life forever. This world is temporary but there is one thing that is eternal and that is death. In death we have two options; heaven or hell. I choose heaven, I choose life, I chose to lay down my life for the Lord. Jesus Christ died for us, He died for the imperfect that if we may choose, He would take our place and make us perfect in His eyes. Christ conquered death but that means nothing to you unless you choose to accept the gift of life that He alone offers. It is this decision that changed the course of my life forever in such a wonderful way. 

I may have pain on a daily basis but through the strength of the Lord I will bear, believe, hope and endure through everything this world throws at me. This is temporary, I want to live for the eternal. What is your decision? Have you ever chosen to accept the gift Jesus holds out to you today? Will you let Him change your life? It is not easy but I can tell you hundreds of reasons why it is worth it. 

Prayer Requests:
*That people will genuinely think about this truth
*That I will be able to finish the semester out strong
*That I can remain on level two medicine through the rest of the semester
*Grace in finals-my memory makes tests very difficult
*That I will rejoice daily because of who Christ is, always remembering the precious gift He has given me that He offers to all

Satisfied

The last time I blogged I had just begun medicine after my four week vacation. A little about my antibiotic treatment: it is a three level approach. The first level of medicine is aimed at the blood, the second is the tissues, and lastly is the cyst form. The medicine goes in order, the first level tries to kill the lyme in my blood, the spirochetes that are left go and hide in the tissues which brings the second antibiotic into play. The second med is aimed at the tissues, the remaining spirochete goes into cyst form with a biofilm around it protecting it from the first two antibiotics which is where the third and final antibiotic comes into play. Therefore killing the lyme involves a three prong attack. 

After my medicine holiday I began with the first level of antibiotics, after a successful week on them we introduced the second level of antibiotics at half dose. A week later we upped that to full dose and thus began the memory problems. The first day on the full dose of the second antibiotic my memory problems began coming back in full swing. I kept taking the medicine to see if the loss of memory would be followed by dizziness, hearing loss, eyesight loss, and difficulty breathing or if it was a random memory loss. Thus far every time my head stuff reappears it begins with memory followed by dizziness, difficulty breathing and so forth. So after a couple days of memory problems the dizziness set in and we decided to stop taking the second level of medication but remain on the first stage of medicine. 

This has proven to be a good idea, it has been  a week now since I got off the second level of medicine and my memory problems are all cleared up. Now we are praying for wisdom in when and how to start up the second level again. We are thinking of staying at a half dose for two weeks instead of one to see how that works but for now I am focusing on detoxing, which is quite a task! 

So this last week has been pretty good, off of that second level of medicine I feel once again like a 'fake lyme patient' and I am trying to live that up. :)  Although on wednesday I woke up with a nasty head cold so the later part of the week I have been lying low and getting more sleep. I really just have a head cold but it makes it hard when so much of my body is out of order, a head cold can take me out of business. Yet again I see the Lords perfect timing; I am on my UNI Thanksgiving break, my teachers decided to give my program a two week break instead of the usual UNI one week off, believe me, none of us complained! So wednesday began the trend of my break days with things that are easy to cancel or miss so I didn't miss any class and I didn't get behind in any homework! I am constantly in awe of how perfect the Lords timing is! 

In March when I was diagnosed with lyme disease I thought that life could only go up from there. To a point I was right; I found out my thoughts were correct, lyme if not caught and treated will end up taking the persons life and I can honestly tell you I knew when I was sick that it was killing me. I knew I didn't have very much longer to figure out what was wrong and after six years I didn't think we would figure it out at all. If I would not have been diagnosed and treated I honestly think I would have lived maybe two to three more years. I was going downhill very fast. I choose not to tell many people my thoughts on this because I didn't want people to worry, I knew the Lord was faithful and I didn't want anyone to fall to sin due to my pain. But now that I am walking uphill once again I felt like sharing the reality of where I was and how far the Lord has brought me. 

This life is so temporary, I knew that then and I know that now. The Lord has chosen to keep me on earth longer than I had thought and for that I am grateful. I came to an understanding of something the other day; though all of the ups and downs of treatment, of medicine vacations and not knowing if this treatment will work or if I will ever be better I was reminded by the Lord that it honestly doesn't matter. 

I had prepared myself for death but I wasn't prepared to live with pain forever. I had so many questions running through my head...What if I am sick for the rest of my life? What if I am on antibiotics for the rest of my life? This a a common theme among lyme patients, it could happen to me. What if my lyme doesn't go into remission? What if I have children and they get lyme from me? There are so many what if's that can haunt my mind. But these thoughts do absolutely nothing. 

So what if I change my what if's? What if I trust the Lord? And trust is what I have decided to do. I can honestly with a pure heart tell you that my hope is not in healing, or ever being off of antibiotics, or having healthy children. My hope is now and will forever be in Jesus Christ. I can live the rest of my life in pain and on medicine because I know that this is temporary. One day I will have relief from lyme and I am so content if that day turns out to be heaven. What's seventy years compared to eternity? I know the Lord is my strength and if I am asked to live with this, He will see me through. 

My church (The Downtown Church) had a women's coffeehouse last night and it was wonderful! The theme of the evening was satisfaction and the verse of the night was...

Satisfy us in the morning with Your faithful love so that we may shout with joy and be glad all our days. ~Psalm 90:14 

No matter where I am, or the pain I am in I can be satisfied and rejoice because of who Jesus Christ is. His love and mercy are unconditional, it covers every situation I could ever be in and more. I have no reason to be unsatisfied, I have no reason to worry because God is still God. He has not left His throne, He is still my Father and I am still in His arms. 

Prayer Requests:
*That I would daily choose to be satisfied and rejoice in the Lord
*Clarity and wisdom when/how to start the medicine again
*Appointment on tuesday with my lyme doctor; wisdom where/what to change if anything in my treatment, and wisdom in questions to ask
*Job hunting; I am looking for a job I can physically do. I work at a daycare nowcon fridays for three hours and it's getting harder and harder to handle 24 one year olds. So I will be looking for a job I can do for when classes are out in four weeks. If you have any ideas let me know!

Temporary

I have said this before but how fast time flies! My four day vacation resulted in a week and four days which turned into three weeks. And (of course) it couldn't have been better timing! God's timing is always perfect but I am still in awe that is it always perfect. Over the last three weeks I have been off of all my medicine, I had to go off because the medicine was working too quickly and it caused my head stuff (dizziness, eyesight loss, hearing loss, and memory loss) to come back. I was unable to drive for about two weeks which is very difficult in the middle of a semester but my friends made sacrifices to get me to class and work, I will always be grateful for them! 

So why was God's timing perfect? Last thursday I had one of the biggest projects of my life due, Alex Deeter and I worked together on this project and it proved to be a beast. We spent eight weeks working on it, and ton's of hours working to finish it. The week before it was due almost all of my head stuff cleared up and I was feeling great! I joked with my friends that I was a 'fake lyme patient' because I was feeling so good! I was taking only five pills a day all of which were supplements, I could wake up earlier, stay up later, take less naps life was great! Although it was great I still had pain, however it was mostly joint pain which is easier to endure. 

So the Lords perfect timing enabled Alex and I to finish our project on time without going insane and without myself getting sick. These last couple of weeks have been wonderful in catching up and striving to get ahead in school. I am honestly shocked that I am still a student! There have been so many days where I didn't think I would make it, I even looked at drop dates and possible alternatives but Gods strength has been just enough like it always is. :) 

I began my first medication on saturday night and so far I am doing well. My abdomen pain returned, its mostly caused from the medicine, I have less energy, and need more sleep once more. I knew the day would come but I had a great vacation! I still have a lot of school work left in these last six weeks so I am praying for time management and strength to endure what needs to be done. 

Many of you may not know but I am a farm girl at heart. My family is from small town Iowa and I had the opportunity to live farm life with my cousins. They went to Denmark for four months so my family took over the farm and the kennel business for them. They returned home and I stayed. I was given a taste of the farm life and I loved it! 

One of my favorite things about the farm was my horse Sneaky, I showed him for six years, and rode him for eight years. There is a strange connection between a horse and its rider, and Sneaky and I were the tightest. He was with me through it all, I rode him for a year before I began having symptoms of lyme. But even with the lyme I rode constantly and it always amazed me how Sneaky would react to my pain level of the day. I was told once that horses can feel the pain of their rider and I honestly think its true. The days I didn't feel well he took it easy on me and the days I felt okay he pushed me to be a better rider. He is such a good horse, I have so many wonderful memories with him. 

Here are a few pictures of Sneaky and I ...

Sneaky and I jumping, my favorite thing to do on him. 

Sneaky and I 

My brother Aaron and I doing the tandem bareback ride on Sneaky

I bring up Sneaky because he was a huge part of my life and that chapter is now closed. Sneaky was put down on friday afternoon, he lived a good and long life. It has been a rough week for me emotionally because he did have a huge impact on my life and through my healing. I knew getting into farm life would have its pain but I didn't realize exactly how hard it would be, but it was worth it. I hope one day I can have a horse even half as a good as Sneaky was. 

Although my horse is gone my life continues, I continue to fight the battle of lyme disease, I continue seeking the Lord and sharing His truth, I continue in my classes. This life is temporary everything will pass away, I want to live my life for something that will remain forever and that is Jesus Christ. 

Prayer Requests:
*That I can keep up in my school work
*That the medicine won't be too strong for me
*That I can manage my time well
*That I will know my limitations
*That I will daily be about God's business

My Burden

My vacation has come and gone and it has resulted in another vacation. Last week Tuesday through Saturday I was off of all my medicine, I began some of my pills on Sunday and my symptoms worsened. I tried to tough it out a couple days but I kept getting worse. Again my nurse Angela recommended me to get off of all medicine except supplements. 

Yesterday was my first day off of my medicine again. I have been given a week off of medicine and if my symptoms are not gone by a week I will have to add more pills to detox the dead bacteria. The main problem these last few weeks is that the medicine has been working faster than my body can handle. The medicine is killing the lyme bacteria and my body cant detox it out. I am doing detox smoothies and detox foot/hand baths but my body is still on overload. 

These last few weeks have been hard on my physically as you know but they have also been hard on me spiritually. I realized yesterday that I was trying to fight this by myself. I was using my strength, I was trying to handle lyme by myself. I had picked up my burdens again.  

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This is an excerpt from the book Do you Think I'm Beautiful. By Angela Thomas. 

A traveler was walking down the road laboring under the heavy burden he was carrying on his back. Along came a man with a horse-drawn cart. Pulling alongside the traveler, the cart driver said, "Sir, I see that you are carrying a heavy load and that it makes you weary. Wouldn't you rather ride in my cart than carry that heavy burden?"

"Yes," the traveler said as he got into the cart. "Now I will no longer have to walk with this burden." A little farther down the road the cart driver looked behind him and was quite astonished to see the traveler sitting in the cart still carrying his burden, held tightly on his back. 

"Sir, why do you still bend under the weight of your burden when you could simply set it down?" he asked. "You have helped me so much already," said the traveler, "I wouldn't want to impose on you any further." 

"But don't you see," replied the cart driver, "it would not be an imposition on me for you to put your burden down. Look at my horse; he is strong and willing. He was made to carry heavy burdens. Besides, both of you are now carrying your load, yet my horse will carry your load whether you do or not! So please put your burden down or you will wear yourself out and make my horse feel unappreciated." 

Belief requires us to climb into the cart and then put everything down. When we put the full weight of our lives on the Lord, then we give Him the authority to take over. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just like the man in this cart so are we in the arms of God, if we simply choose to let go of our burdens then we may have the rest that the Lord is longing to give us. Two weeks ago I choose to pick up my burden again and I am so thankful for the reminder to let it go. I can not handle my problems, I can not handle my pain. Christ is the one who gives me strength, He is my endurance. It doesn't matter where I am at but rather who Christ is and what He has done for me. May we always remember to keep our gaze focused on Him and not our situation. 

Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. ~ Ephesians 6:10 

Do not be grieved for the joy of the Lord is your strength. ~ Nehemiah 8:10b 

Prayer Requests:
*That I can keep my gaze on Christ
*That my symptoms will go away so I can begin medicine again
*That I will be able to remain a student
*That I can keep up in my classes
*That I will never again pick up the burden of lyme disease but let God carry it

October

October is upon us; beautiful colors, smells of fall, cool nights. I love it! Fall is my favorite time of year, I just love jeans and sweatshirts! This year however October has a different meaning for me. October as we know is when the temperatures begin to cool which means for lyme patients like me, more pain. The lyme bacteria does not like heat and because of that I feel less pain in the warm temperatures and more pain in the cool. So for people with pain October and April tend to be some of the hardest months.

I have been trying these last couple months to fight lyme hard to prepare for winter, because I know more symptoms will show from the cold and I have been taking a lot of steps forward but sometimes I take steps back. So far October, although the beautiful warm weather, is holding up to its name. 

On Monday I took some big steps backward. My head stuff came back; memory loss, eyesight loss, hearing loss and dizziness. I had all of these symptoms when I was at the worst of my lyme, they left a couple months ago so I was surprised when they showed up again. I talked to my nurse Angela and she recommended a vacation. 

I'm not known as one to turn down vacation! So I am on a medicine vacation, FOUR WHOLE DAYS of no medicine! (Except supplements) Angela said many times the medicine can kill so much bacteria that our bodies cant get rid of it fast enough and we end up getting sicker. She believes I was at this point so here I am. I am on day three and feeling pretty good, my head stuff is still here I am temporarily not driving for my safety but overall I believe my body is starting to catch up to all of the medicine. 

This was a perfect week for me to have a vacation, I am on week eight of school now but I have no idea how I have completed that much! I am taking ten credits of classes, I have to take this many to stay in my program but I wish I could have taken less. I knew it would be hard to get back to everyday life as a lyme patient but I didn't realize how hard it would be to keep up. School work is overloading me, I have a lot of projects this semester and was getting bogged down. All of my free time is spent sleeping, at treatment or therapy. 

If I sound like I am complaining I do not mean to be so I hope that is not the vibe that you are getting I just want you to understand that this phase of life is hard for me and I need your prayers in this. I am struggling to keep up with school, even on a vacation I haven't gotten much homework done. But God is God of all situations, I have confidence He will provide the means to accomplish whatever needs to be done. 

This weekend I am going to a Focus Conference, I am very EXCITED! I am even more excited now that I don't have my weekend medicine because now I should be able to participate in most of it instead of sleeping! I am excited for a much needed get away to focus on the Lord. A break from life, as much as I can get anyway. Please be praying for this conference that the Lord would be moving and revealing Himself to people through this. 

Prayer Requests:

*That I will manage my time well

*That I can keep up in school and not feel overwhelmed

*That this vacation helps build up my body and it will be ready to fight again come Sunday

*That Focus will be an uplifting time with the Lord, that I would feel fresh spiritually

*That I can remain a student as a lyme patient